Merry Christmas!

So my first Christmas hosting went off without a hitch, like I thought. I truly owe its success to some wonderful cooks (okay and I cook too!), last-minute shopping options, and family.

Highlights include a two-year old running scared to the first grandmother (never met her before either!) in sight after getting a Christmas gift, Justin’s homemade present for his mom, a new scarf, Sponge Bob Square Pants, (my personal favorite – stress) and Walter enjoying his new ball bone.

I hope you had as much fun as I did this holiday season, and I look forward to 2007 – who knows what’s in store?! Okay, definitely not that, but definitely this in Las Vegas. Sweet.

Merry Christmas!

Rubik's Cube

I saw a Rubik's cube last night standing in line at Walgreens...

And today in my cube, something is completely rancid, and I can't figure out what it is... maybe it is in the cube next to me? I don't know? Make it stop? AHH?

I'm ready for the holidays :)

Christmas Preparations

Christmas 2006 will be know to the JB clan as one of two things – a) The year Jenni put on the best Christmas family gathering ever, or b) The year Jenni screwed it up.

It’s a lot to have on your shoulders, honestly. Part of it is because I’m so anal – everything must be so unachievably perfect, or I risk crying really hard.

So preparations for a Sunday the 24th D-Day (C-Day?) began Saturday. I started by getting out the trusty Dyson from the Harry Potter closet (if you’ve been to the house, you’ll know what I’m talking about), and attaching multiple vacuum attachments to it in one hand. The other hand held Mr. Clean’s Magic Eraser. Then I had my trusty cleaners in my bathroom carrying tote in the third hand. I get a little beasty when cleaning, as Justin can attest… I take on supernatural powers too.

So Saturday and Sunday I cleaned like I have never cleaned before – every nook was spotless, every corner was free and clear of dust and cobwebs. I probably spent a grand total of 12 hours cleaning, and I still have half of the kitchen, the master bedroom and bathroom, and all of Justin’s upstairs to go.

So, here’s to wishing I didn’t use all of my supernatural powers this weekend, because it’s going to be a long week. At least all of my Christmas shopping is done.

Thinking...

So, a former co-worker of mine that I worked with on a bunch of projects is the same woman whose husband was found on the mountain in Oregon.

I found out this morning on the radio that they IDed her husband, and I kinda just crawled into bed with Justin and gave him a hug. Unfortunately, he was asleep and doesn't remember -- not the point though.

Today, just give those you love an extra hug, tell them how much you appreciate them in your life. Especially this time of the year.

So, much love everyone... have a happy holiday and cherish the ones you are with.

It’s Christmas – Let’s Get Sloshed!

So I’m pretty sure when Christ was born, the Lord wasn’t downing a ridiculous amount of wine to celebrate his son’s birth. Just a guess, and God – feel free to comment, as long as you are a Blogger Beta member. If not, feel free to reach me directly on my e-mail.

Since Christ’s birth however, man has turned Christmas time into more of a party-type atmosphere. Specifically, during the work “Christmas Party” – better known as the “Holiday Party” to avoid being sued for infringing on non-Christians beliefs, or lack thereof. But I digress.

The “Holiday” party for your work typically consists of general mingling with those you already spend 40+ hours with on a weekly basis. Do we really want to spend that much time with work-folk? According to a recent study conducted by myself and based on no statistics or discussion with others, we’re pretty indifferent.

The tipping point to those attending such a party is this – free booze. My work “Holiday” party had a substantial amount – full bar to be exact – for more than two hours. It’s like Wedding Crashers or something, except you go for the booze alone and not random hook-ups.

However, what is the motivation for individuals to attend “Holiday” parties when no free booze is offered? Take for example my husband’s work. Apparently, his work party is on a Thursday from 4-6 p.m. – serving only appetizers. We aren’t going either. Now, granted, my husband doesn’t drink and I have to actually work that day, but the point is, I’d at least try and leave work early if free booze was involved and my husband was actually going (he is in a golf tournament that day). But citing that same study from the above paragraph, who wants to hang around people you already have daily/hourly contact with if there is no incentive?

Just a thought, and my study is free to interpretation. So feel free to interpret in the comment section. You too, God. I know you want to.

Am I the Last Person...

TO HEAR ABOUT THIS?!

http://www.cnn.com/2006/TRAVEL/12/06/plane.passing.gas.ap/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

(Hint: Look at the web link closely)

Bread Bowls=Cold Weather

You might be wondering how I came up with this amazing equation, but it requires a few paragraphs of narrative that only I could write up :)

Let me start with, I was a total Biotch today. I don't know why, I just felt like being a giant butt today.

I guess it starts with the fact that the wind was howling all night long, and I lost sleep. Happy Jenni = min. 8 hours of sleep. Jenni did not meet this equation.

I cut a few people off more than I normally do in the morning commute -- but, I really needed to be at work, so I blame work :)

Then, I get a message on my YouTube page I had set up for a work project. I scurry over to YouTube only to discuss some moron con artist is pulling that "My grandmother put away $5.8 million in a bank in South Africa and now the government won't let the family get to the money, so if you give them your bank information, they'll pay you back." Oh, and the best part, "God Bless."

I think that put me over the edge, truly. So I wrote back to the e-mail address... "Dear Idiot. This scam is at least 3 or 4 years old -- find something new to use. Further, may God bless you, because he's not going to look kindly on someone trying to rip people off."

Unfortunately, it bounced back, and I was even more miffed.

Then, because it is quite chilly in the ATX today, I decided to go to my favorite place, Panera Bread for a bread bowl soup to take home.

They ran out of bread bowls five minutes before I got there. Jerks.

So I tell them I specifically came here for the bread bowl. And then I was like, you just lost my business for not having a bread bowl. The guy thought I was crazy. Honestly, I probably am.

So I go to McAllisters -- and they are out of bread bowls too!!!! WTF?!!!!! Unbelievable. At this point though, it's cutting into my Ugly Betty hour, and I have no choice but to order the greatest Spud of my life. So everything worked out.

But never get a craving for bread bowls on cold days, you'll be left sad. Like me. :'(

My Top 10

I haven’t updated in awhile, and while I keep wanting to with all the glorious tidbits of life I experienced during the last week, I just haven’t. Ay.

Anyways, to make the brain dump easier on myself – and you, oh loyal reader(s) – I have compiled a list of my top 10 Blogger-ish Moments. The first five kinda suck, because I can’t think of that many things that happened.

10. I love having four days off from work; however, the “Case of the Mondays” are particularly heinous afterwards.
9. Justin’s grandmother had cancer treatments on Thanksgiving Day. Very sad. BUT, she is still so beautiful – and her wig makes her look at least 10 years younger! I just think that is fabulous.
8. Black Friday was surprisingly easy going at Last Call in Austin. I mainly wanted to beat people up because they had poor fashion sense, not a poor attitude.
7. Potheads are sooo not cool. Not as much a blogger moment, as fact. Don’t do drugs, become a underpaid professional instead – it has the same downer effect.
6. Seeing a bunch of old people get off a bus in front of my parent’s house to pick pecans. HAHAHA.
5. Taking a 5-mile walk while the old people are picking pecans, only to come back and see my dad taking a picture of the old people in front of said bus and parent’s house. I was too tired to do another 5 miles though, so I just laughed really hard.
4. Going with Ashley to Fredericksburg on Saturday for a day of shopping. Nothing really that blog-tastic, other than the fact I blew an unbelievable amount of money of stuff that quite easily qualifies as junk. Makes for good Christmas gifts, I suppose. Just don’t ask me where I got your gift. Gift to myself – some Uggs… but I got those at Nordstrom after shopping in Fredericksburg.
3. Walter getting loose in the backyard and us freaking out that he ran away, only to find out he had somehow managed to prop up the fence, craw over to the neighbors, and get stuck over there. What a nut.
2. Justin breaking a pitcher filled with Crystal Light all over the kitchen floor. That’s not the funny part. The funny part was him trying to figure out how to use a mop – it was his first time mopping. Hil-ar-e-mus!
1. Being asked to vacuum my parents house and clean the bathroom (like, the toilet, the tub, everything) in return for staying there. Needless to say, we won’t be staying there again any time soon. Silly ‘rents!

America’s Finest News Source, at a Newsstand Near You

I was frolicking over to my second office at Sixth and Congress (no, not the Bank of America building where I typically reside – but that glorious beacon of light that provides my morning wallet gouging), when I look over to see the front pages of such quality newspapers as the Houston Chronicle, Austin American-Statesman, Dallas Morning News, Austin Chronicle, El Mundo, and um, The Onion.

That’s right kids, The Onion now has a print edition for each of your cities, and I suppose, for a limited time only, the paper is free. Glorious! Now I can find out that Chris Thaney of Hapeville, Ga., is starting his own car company after getting laid off from Ford -- and he expects to succeed. Or better yet, the real reasons why Brit and Fed-Ex are getting divorce.

PLUS, because I work for “The Man,” no one has to know that I’m visiting non-news source Web sites. If only PerezHilton would do the same. He would make a fortune.

The CLUB LIVES!

In a Dodge Neon.

So I was parking my car in the parking garage this morning, and I look over at the car I parked next to only to see something attached to the steering wheel.

Upon closer examination, I discovered was an off-brand "Club" -- you know, those ugly red things that people used to "protect" their cars in the mid-90s?

Apparently, this individual thought his 2001 Neon is some sort of prize possession and had to "Club" it -- not knowing that the Club is like, the easiest hacked anti-theft device on the planet.

If a thief wants to break into your car, he will. That's why you have insurance.

And Arnold, if this is your car, I'm going to laugh so hard, and make fun of you forever. :)

Sigh.

Happy birthday, Serna -- I don't think you read this blog, but I just have to share this picture with people, even if it means my own embarrassment.

This is sick.

I'm disgusted. http://www.dailybruin.com/news/articles.asp?id=38960
For those wanting to see the video: http://youtube.com/watch?v=5g7zlJx9u2E (I'm not going to watch it... reading the news story is definitely enough.)

I’m related to a Desperate Housewife!

So I suppose I need to clarify this one, but it’s pretty funny. In middle school, myself (along with others who read this blog), went to school with a Josh Henderson. He was a bit of a player in the day, and I’m going to say, rightfully so – he was hot. He had a new girlfriend every week, which wasn’t entirely surprising back in the middle school era, but he had to move at the end of the year, breaking the hearts of a handful of girls.

Flash forward to 2001ish. Justin gets a call from his mom that his cousin (I think like 2nd or 3rd) is on this WB Making the Band-type show called Popstars that was, honestly, horrible. Turns out it’s Josh Henderson. So he’s on that show, and at Thanksgiving, another relative says he’s dating the younger, not-well-known sister of Jessica Simpson – Ashlee Simpson.

Anyways, they break up (obviously), and we’re told that he is trying to “make it” in Hollywood, and was in a Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie… not exactly big time, but whateva.

So I haven’t been keeping up with Desperate Housewives this season (I’ve watched one or two episodes) – and the hot new love interest for Julie on the show is Edie’s nephew… played by Josh Henderson! HAHAHA. So funny. He even has an IMDB page! Click: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1259068/ Apparently he’s been in a few movies too… Step Up as one of them. That’s so hilarious.

So in theory, I’m sorta related to him by marriage. I’ll really start cracking up if I read about him on PerezHilton or something.

Why Running in Circles is More Productive Than Voting

Back in 12th grade, specifically government class with Mrs. Anderson, I was Ms. Utopia Voterwoman – 18, and anxiously holding my voter registration card for the first opportunity to vote.

Then I met a Justin B. Justin was also of Utopian mindset until our sophomore year of college, when InfoWars and 9-11 tainted his view of politics. Now of the conspiracy mindset, Justin tries to inflict his anti-voting venom on me at any given moment.

And I’ll admit, up until about 4 p.m. today, the venom had a poisonous affect on me. That and the fact that researching politicians all day does not help their pleas that corruption, money, manipulation, and lies only affect a smaller portion of “their kind.” The fact of the matter is, even the most honest politician or his minions have one of those traits, no matter how “Christian” or “Honorable” they may be.

But seeing my fellow co-workers get into the “voting” spirit got me excited about my civic duty. And I realized, as much as I’m disgusted with politics today, my previous stance of “uninformed voters are much more dangerous than non-voters” made me feel even more apathetic. I became determined to make a change.

So I did some quick research, printed out some names, highlighted some topics, and left work early to vote. Instantly, I became an informed, or delusional, voter – some would argue both are one in the same.

I pull up to the Episcopal Church that is my voting station, and see the line reaches to the driveway. Not to fear, glorious technology is in place to make this civic duty a quick and painless process.

An hour later, I’m still in the driveway.

I finally get to the front of the line, show my driver’s license to the kind, but slow (as in the main reason why the line was going slow) man so he could confirm my registration in the precinct and be on my merry way.

My name, however, was nowhere to be seen on the binder.

“Sir, this must be incorrect. I re-registered to vote in the precinct when I changed the address on my driver’s license.”

The “voting judge, ” or whatever her title was, informs me that several people have come into only to find out that checking the box at DPS DID NOT WORK.

SONS OF BITCHES! Normally I do not speak such harsh terms regarding my former employer, but my old boss/friend/mentor is getting an irate call from me tomorrow.

At this point, I may have started to tear up, only because I truly wasted an hour and a half of my time for nothing. The judge tried to get some official on the phone, but the line was busy. And by this point, I couldn’t drive over to my old precinct because it was already 7 p.m.

So, I stood in line for an hour and a half, and the only people that knew my good intentions were me and God. Unfortunately, God wasn’t listed in my precinct either. He must live in a new neighborhood too.

So it appears that the three-year-old boy standing in front of me the whole time, running circles around his mom and sister, got more out of voting than I did… I went home empty handed – no “I voted” sticker proudly displayed on my chest.

Oh, and side note – a new girl at work asked me if I was pregnant today. But that’s a story for another blog.

Why Faith Hill's Publicist is Working Overtime...

I wouldn't want to be Faith Hill's PR person right now.

What an idiot... someone must have told her she was going to win.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_P-aYADTkw

Just Hear Those Sleigh Bells…

It’s begun. That time of year when you are suddenly, and without warning, whistling the classics – Jingle Bells, Silent Night. You don’t mean to, but the excitement starts building.

Usually, I’m the only child in my relationship – Justin plays it cool, old man-ish. But today he wanted to go get Christmas lights for the house. Like, $400 worth of Christmas lights. And then he decided to create this design on notebook paper.

I guess it’s just that time of the year. I spent the day wrapping Christmas gifts. Wee!

Anyways, YAY CHRISTMAS!

Sounds of My Life

I saw this on someone's MySpace bulletin, and I had fun filling it out. I just wish I had all of my CD's uploaded to iTunes so this could have been more "life" like. Ha.

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle/Random
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
Opening Credits:Superstar (Lauryn Hill, Miseducation of Lauryn Hill)
Waking Up:How Could An Angel Break My Heart (Toni Braxton) *I’m heartbroken everyday I suppose.
First Day At School:What If (Coldplay, X&Y) *Makes sense, I ask way too many questions.
Falling In Love:Let You Down (Dave Matthews Band, Live Dec. 8, 1996) *Anything DMB, happy or sad, is like falling in love.
Breaking Up:The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts (Sufjan Stevens, Illinois) *HAHA! That’s funny.
Prom:We Belong Together (Mariah Carey, Emancipation of Mimi) *Haha – probably makes sense… Mariah sounds like a psycho lover in this song, and I was fairly delusional myself during that time.
Life's OK:Push (Madonna, Confessions on a Dance Floor) *That’s probably a good song for this point in my life.
Mental Breakdown:Gone (Kelly Clarkson, Breakaway) *Breakdowns bring clarity.
Driving:Rock Da Bells (LL Cool Jay … I know, random) *Low Rider would have been preferred.
Flashback:No Surprises (Radiohead, OK Computer)
Getting Back Together:Rainbow Connection (Kermit the Frog, The Muppet Movie) *The lovers, the dreamers, and me. Green is the way to my heart.
Wedding:Headlights on Dark Roads (Snow Patrol, Eyes Open) *Yikes.
Birth of Child:Immortality (Pearl Jam, Greatest Hits)
Final Battle:Snow White Queen (Evanescence, The Open Door) *I just like them, a lot.
Death Scene:One Sweet Day (Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men) * Wow, odd.
Funeral Song:Shadrach (Beastie Boys, Paul’s Boutique) *Uh, no.
Sex Scene:Drown in My Own Tears (Ray Charles) *Sex isn’t that bad. ;)
Dance Sequence:Seed (Sublime) *I could see this with a margarita in my hand and really drunk.
End Credits:I Will Remember You (Sara McLachlan, Adia Single) *Quite appropriate.

No Electricity SUX

Last night, the electricity went out for about two hours. It probably was the most boring two hours of my life because Justin and I were forced to spend time with each other. I wanted to watch TV, he wanted to watch football, we both wanted to surf the Internet and IM each other... and we couldn't do anything. We sat. And sat some more. We walked outside for ten minutes and saw neighbors dropping out like flies (the whole neighborhood had no power). In fact one couple got into separate cars and drove off. Another guy was trying to pick up other men to go play pool at the local pool house -- hopefully he wasn't disappointed and the power was out there as well.

Finally, after lighting some candles, I realized I could play free cell and watch LOST on my computer (thank you Dell and your 3 hour battery life). Justin was forced to play Solitaire on his computer (on his Vaio with about 45 minutes of battery life). Luckily the power came back on and we quickly went back to normalcy. YAY!

However, our electricity woes just began! Justin and I were abruptly awaken at 5:55 a.m. by the sharp shrill tone of our burglar alarm. Seriously, I thought we were toast. It stopped after four seconds or so, and we realized it was the smoke detector (which is connected to our house alarm). I couldn't go back to sleep, and tried to figure out what made it go off. Ugh. So Justin is handling that with the builder this morning -- our smoke detector is too high up on our ceiling and even the nine-foot ladder can't get to it! Plus, the smoke detectors run off electricity and a power supply -- not battery operated. So we're just confused really.

Home ownership is not something to go into lightly, people. Sigh. That's another blog for another day.

An' Another Thing

So freaking cute!! As for me, I'm looking at a different camera. Haha. Oh, and this thing isn't mine or anything.

Old School Nintendo

So I introduced Justin to this Web site I found surfing the net for work one day -- VNES -- yes, a virtual old school Nintendo game Web site. Sick.

Anyways, he's been playing it non-stop and enjoying it, so I thought I should share it with the rest of the world/2 people that read this blog. (Hi, Arnold and Ashley's mom!)

That, and it provides a great excuse to post this picture. Thanks Gizmodo and some random Japanese site.

Walter’s Friends…

Today’s my birthday, and to my surprise, I received a gift from my dog, Walter! Thanks Walls!

In other news, my desk is a mess... and if you look close enough, you'll see what Justin and I do in our spare time -- write stupid notes to each other Elementary school style.

To All My Girls...

At work, we have this white board that everyone writes on – Ivette and I usually pick a topic for the day, and people go at it.

Today’s topic – favorite Disney character. Some individuals are “ghost” writers/answerers for others in the office. (For example, one poor chap had Tinkerbell listed next to his name) Regardless, conversation soon shifted to the best Disney movie of all times, with most of the girls agreeing to Beauty and the Beast. A close second, in everyone’s mind, was The Little Mermaid.

Oh, I wish I could be part of that world – underwater, hanging with a blowfish, an overbearing father, combing my lustrous red hair with a fork. What an awesome life. As we’re talking about The Little Mermaid and the impression it made on our 5- to 10-year-old minds, some word vomit came up.

I admitted that I would practice being Ariel. You know, that scene where she leaps out of the water, landing on a rock, her hair flowing around her with the twitch of her neck, and water cascading around her like a frame. Obviously, I’ve watched this movie a lot.

Anyways, turns out, all the girls in the office did that! I was shocked – I thought it was something that I just did, and quite possibly still do.

I didn’t mention that Justin and I still listen to the soundtrack in the car ;) I saved that for this blog. Haha.

“Sha-la-la-la-la don’t be shy, you gotta go on and try, go on and kiss the girl.” “WHOA-WHOA!”

I love my RSS feeds!

Hi gang.

I'm an RSS feed whore. So to celebrate that fact, check out what I'm reading through my Google RSS Reader on the right. Good times had by all!

Peace. In the Middle East. (OMG, remember when that was so cool to say, like, back in 1991?)

Blog Happy!

So, I've been posting a lot this week. Makes up for a few weeks there when I stopped caring... but never about you, oh loyal reader(s).

I just wanted to "promote" a book I have for sale: Mind Control 2. It's not really my book, it's Justin's, but I'm pretty sure I get the royalities.

So help me help you by purchasing this book. If that makes sense. Hmm...

http://www.lulu.com/content/166443

Yes, a Cricket Violated Me

Yesterday evening, after a particularly stressful day at work, I got to enjoy some quality time with the better half.

For about an hour and a half, I got to play an invigorating game of tennis. By tennis, I mean, hitting the ball back and forth because I suck, and Justin is kind enough to lower his level of playing to match mine.

Anywho, about halfway into the game, tons of crickets start to appear. Like, hundreds. And they jump all over you, and they are getting squashed by tennis balls. Sort of funny.

But right as I’m about to serve to Justin, this cricket comes and hits me in the face, then falls onto my chest. I yelp, try and make him vacate the “chest-ial” region, and he gets stuck inside of my sports bra, right under my left boob. At this point, I have no idea what to do, and I feel him all being crickety on my body.

Justin, meanwhile, is trying to figure out why I suddenly dropped my racquet and started squirming like a worm.

Keep in mind that there are about five other tennis courts in this particular area, and I’m starting to draw attention to myself.

I think at some point, the cricket vacated the premises, but the thought of it “fondling” me made me a little insane, to put it mildly.

So I meet Justin up around the net and explain to him what needs to be done: look up my shirt and sports bra to make sure the stupid cricket isn’t still in there. Ugh, mortifying.

I hate crickets. Especially ones that get caught in your sports bra and fondle you.

I rip off other people's blogs

But I do it with love in my heart...

Adventures in Car Shopping

A few weeks ago, Justin and I learned we would soon have to part with his beloved 1994 coupe. Depending on when its final day exactly is -- it could die tomorrow, or four months from now -- we decided to be informed consumers and spent the day test driving cars.

During the test driving process, you learn a few things about the better half. I would say compromises are made, but this car will be Justin's really, and so my say doesn't matter (well, to be honest, it matters about 20 percent, though not enough to make a difference).

Anyways, I learned I hate smooth-riding sedans. In fact, they piss me off. One of the cars I test drove handled some serious curves with gentle ease. I don't want gentle ease, I want gear-clutching, action-packed handling of curves.

Justin prefers gentle curves, and cute sedans are cute and pleasant to drive. In fact, we were looking through the brochures and his exact specifications were called "sophisticated." Mine, well, I don't know what it was called specifically, but certainly not sophisticated, more like, "Screw You, Bitches, I'm Passing Your Ass."

I'm sure law enforcement probably prefers the sophisticated option, but whatever.

Anyways, here's the front runners:

Jenni: 2007 Acura TL: all the gadgets and electronics a tech nerd like myself would want, with serious curve-handling features. Plus it's the cheapest of the three we drove.

Justin: 2007 Lexus ES 350: Because he is a freakin' pansy and doesn't like change. It's the closest feel to his current coupe.

I would compare our car preferences to other aspects in our life, but that's for a more PG-13 blog. I try to keep it PG, most of the time :)

Today’s random thoughts on:

1. Allergies: My eyes are itching, my nose is ridiculously dry, I think I’m running a fever, and my throat hurts when I swallow. I sense fall allergy season fast approaching!
2. Justin Timberlake’s new album: Oh, he’s definitely bringing sexy back; yum. The album is streaming on The Leak over at MTV, and I’m purchasing this CD on Tuesday. It’s seriously clutch.
3. Working Out: If there was a way for someone else to move my body instead of me doing it, that would be nice.
4. Computers: I really want a new one (just because, which is of course, ridiculous reasoning), but I’m trying to hold out until Vista launches next January – and then maybe a little after that, just so I know it will work well.
5. iPods: Apple is doing another one of their “secret announcements” tomorrow – maybe I’ll give Justin my Video iPod tonight as a “gift” and then purchase whatever they announce tomorrow – I hear it might be a “true” video iPod. I guess that is different than the “false” iPod I currently possess.
6. Walter: My dog is so awesome. There were some people next door from OSU, and they took a picture of my dog in his Longhorn jersey. I took him on a walk through the neighborhood, and we were getting shout outs all morning!

What a man needs?

I’m a girl.

I guess that was established a couple of years back, but I digress.

So I’m watching the movie, What a Girl Wants, on the Oxygen network, and there is this commercial, saying how the station is an all-women’s network and such.

The commercial features women ripping off their shirts to show their bras and it was kinda Super Woman-like.

But, the whole commercial made me think that Oxygen is not geared towards women, but in fact, men who are desperate for action, boobies, feelings, woman-y stuff.

I’d bet the average person, for example, would be surprised at the demographic who watches Sex Talk with Sue Johnson.

Just a thought.

The Bird Flies High

I always get onto Justin about being an aggressive driver.

He’ll take upon himself to “show” people how rude they are – some people call it road rage, I call it stupid, and tell him so anytime we are in the car.

It’s like this:

1. Don’t flash your brights when someone is going slow. Simply wade it out and go around them.
2. Don’t give someone the evil glare while waving your fist, they could pull a gun on you and kill your ass.
3. Don’t block others in the left lane from going fast because you think it is illegal. Let them pass, and I’m sure some happy state trooper will greet them further up the road.
4. While others do not understand the protected right on green concept, there is no need to honk at them until they do not take action for at least 15-20 seconds after the green light has occurred. After that, I polite tap of your horn with a friendly wave should let them know that “no hard feelings, but please go ahead and take that right. Thanks a bunch and peace and love and such!”

I try to live by these ideas, and others, when driving.

But there are occasions when I feel it necessary to “express” my frustrations driving.

Case in point: this evening, after a 10 minute discussion on why I would be the one to fetch the to-go order from Pei Wei. After a long day of work (seriously, LOOOONG) I didn’t feel like fetching the food. For Justin, hitting golf balls outside of his place of work and playing dodgeball in the cubicle area of his office equals extreme physical exhaustion.

Apparently mental exhaustion does not trump physical exhaustion, so I set out to pick up the food. On my way back, I decided to take 290 all the way to the main street to get to my neighborhood. It narrows down to one lane and there is always a back-up.

I do my part, and merge into the left lane with a reasonable amount of space left in front of me. After the lanes merge, I continue my decent off the highway and to the stoplight, only to look in my rearview mirror to see some a-hole barreling down the shoulder.

Sitting in this traffic for 10 minutes, smelling glorious Pei Wei must have pissed me off, because I flicked the guy off. Maybe this will shock some of you, but I had never flicked off another driver before.





Okay, I lie. I have flicked off other drivers before; however, I always did it under the window so they wouldn’t see me. (See point two above) I mean, I don’t even really honk at people unless the really, truly deserve to be honked at. (Reference point four)

So I’m feeling pretty good about myself, until I see the guy slow down and turn to park… and I’m like, “Oh, fudge.”

But it turns out he only parked at the range – the GUN RANGE! OMG! Okay, maybe I overreacted, but I mean, the guy really did have a gun in his car. He could have pulled his gun on me instead of taking out his aggression at the range. I mean, obviously this blog is one big overreaction to life, but seriously, guns scare the heck out of me!

In retrospect, he probably was going too fast to even see my “bird.” But I have learned a most valuable lesson.

My bird is flying back under the radar, err… window, from now on.

The latest in instant messaging capabilities!

Are you so wound up, moved, motivated by a blog entry that you must contact me immediately?

Help is here. Hi Meebo! See side bar!

Dream Girl

On Friday night, Justin, myself, and some friends embarked on our yearly trek to H-Town for Dave Matthews Band.

I’ll skip the part about how disappointed we both were with the song selection and general lack of energy we felt the band had, and focus on one specific incident which saved an otherwise boring and expensive concert adventure.

The second song of the night was Dream Girl, and you may, or may not, remember the music video for the song with Julia Roberts. I like the song live, and enjoy listening to it. However, halfway through someone started shrieking like a hyena or something. Looking around, trying to figure out who it was so I could pass the “evil concert glare,” I see this girl crying right behind me, her boyfriend in tears, in fact, a lot of people in tears.

Then I look at Justin, and see he’s tearing up, then he shakes the boyfriend’s hand. I’m a tad slow, and finally figure out at this point he had proposed to his girlfriend during the song. And the shrieking wasn’t even her, it was the couple next to us. Haha.

And, interesting story about the couple next to us – we sat next to them last year at the Selma concert. Small world, or should I say, one sweet world. Okay, I was waiting for an opportunity in this blog to use that sentence. I’ll admit it.

Hurt so good…

After a particularly grueling day of activities at the office (got there at 7:45, left a few minutes before 7… and there was still traffic on MOPAC – go home to your families people!), I came home to a glorious site.

Justin, who will be referred to in this posting as “Man-Wife”, spent the day at home taking care of household chores.

Let me back up to 7:00 a.m. that morning. After getting up earlier (6:00 a.m.) to do some work, and watch Saved by the Bell (the one where Screech and the rest of the gang competes in a beauty pageant), I thought a more gentler approach to waking up “Man-Wife” would be to talk to him until he started talking back, instead of resetting the alarm.

After about two minutes, I begin to get a little agitated, as I need to get to work. Finally he rolls over and says, “I’m going to take a vacation day.”

I was mad, I’ll admit it. I had so much stuff on my plate for work that day, to just hear someone passively dismiss work was upsetting, mainly because I can’t do the same. Call it selfish, childish, rude – I’m all three.

So his butt gets up long enough to e-mail his boss on my still-running computer, and goes back to bed, and Walter follows him to pass out.

But luckily “Man-Wife” went to Central Market for groceries during his day off, and by the time I got home, this gorgeous meal was waiting for me. I mean, Spinach penne pasta, sun-dried tomato sauce, with chunks of fhicken (fake-chicken), topped with three different cheeses. I mean, literally, I walked in the house with a hug and a kiss, food on the table, and a “Man-Wife” who loves me.

Now I know why men like their women at home.

So after that adventure, we go for our weekly (or bi-weekly… just depends on the mood) massages at Massage Envy. There is this couples room, and I always feel more comfortable hanging with “Man-Wife”. Plus, this was the first time I had a guy working on me.

Male massage therapists are probably the most under-utilized. For men getting a massage, to be worked on by another male is insulting to your so-called “manhood.” For women, especially if you are dating or married, it just doesn’t seem right that this guy is getting access to your body typically reserved for your significant other.

But after yesterday’s adventure, I’ll be using male massage therapists for the rest of my life! I’ve never been in so much “good-pain” in my life. I mean, he was tearing into me. I’m so sore today. And being in the same room as “Man-Wife” didn’t make it awkward, because if he tried to cop a feel, I could just be like, “Man-Wife!” and scantly-clad “Man-Wife” lying on the table next to me could save the day. HAHA. What a visual.

I need a brain dump.

Here it goes:

This past weekend we were up in Dallas for a wedding, supplying the SnapHappy cameras for the “happy” occasion. Justin and his buddies at Unfunded Think Tank have a few business plans, and this is one of them. So if you have a wedding/special event coming up, support the cause, and my makeup fetish.

We were also up in Dallas for my grandmother’s 88th birthday. My mom never invites people over or makes a big deal out of it, but it was still a good time. She made this ice cream cake, which was incredibly rich, and I’m pretty sure I gained two pounds on the spot. I always gain weight when I’m in Dallas. Suck.

I also had lunch with my old violin teacher, Ms. V (now Mrs. S, but I’m pretty sure I called her Ms. V the whole time… old habits die hard), who apparently reads my blog! In fact, I learned I have a readership of almost 15 people based on talking with people at the wedding. CLUTCH!

My goal is 50 by the end of the year. So, shout out to all you peeps who read the blog; you are loved.

Bad Days...

I’ve had a bad day, taken one down, sing a sad song just turn it around, something something something…

Kristy left this weekend. I didn’t think I’d actually be sad to see her go – I mean, obviously we enjoyed having her stay with us – but I didn’t think I would feel as sad as I did.

It started by shutting the door after she left, I turned to Justin and gave him a hug. Then he followed up with, “Okay, well, I’m going upstairs to watch TV, later.”

And I just stood there, watching him walk up the stairs, and thought, “Who am I going to watch television with now?”

Kristy is WAY ADDICTED to Law and Order, and in our short time together (three months), I became slightly addicted to the SVU and CI versions of the series. And Sunday, as I’m flipping through the channels, trying to find something to watch, I come across a marathon of SVU, AND FELT NOTHING.

It was sad, truly. I can’t even watch Law and Order without her now.

And the true test will be if I can even remember to tune into Project Runway tonight, another group favorite.

I mean, who else am I going to fail miserably with when attempting another run at “The Crunch Dance Party?”

So I’ve talked about with Justin, and we’ve decided we need a roommate. I just can’t go on living like this. It’s been three days now, and it’s horrible.

We’re currently taking applications. The room and board will be cheap – we’ll even barter. Thanks.

The intriguing weekend

I guess that I had a fairly productive weekend. I mean, I sat around a lot, worked out a little, and saw some fairly interesting things.

Interesting thing #1:
I was getting my hair cut on Saturday (and maybe my hair colored… which by the way, I accidentally went blond… whoops!) and this little girl was sitting next to me with her mom. Her mom had some fried out blond hair, will have skin cancer by the age of 40, and was wearing too much makeup.

The daughter? Well, she had the most gorgeous brunette hair, was eight years old, and getting platinum blond highlights for the first time. I was so pissed off. I mean, I guess ultimately it is the mother’s decision to do that to her daughter, but geez, wait until she is in middle school, not when she just completed the second grade.

Interesting thing #2:
This guy at Kirbey Lane South looked like my granddad. Probably not that interesting, but I thought so J

Interesting thing #3:
Mexican Vanilla ice cream and the fat free/sugar free yogurt version at Amy’s Ice Cream is about the same. Maybe not as creamy, but still dang good.

Interesting thing #4:
Matrix Three isn’t as bad as people told me was (cough cough, my husband). I mean the almost grotesque use of “g-dang” is borderline ridiculous, but take that out (and this weird nipple scene) and it isn’t half bad ;)

Interesting thing #5:
The Crunch Dance Party workout video confirmed what I already knew: I am not capable of any type of dance moves. I stopped after twenty minutes and did pilates instead. It made me feel better.


Anyways, I have a headache and I’m about to go to bed! Night!

#28!

Walter is the best dog ever. I think we have established that with extensive evidence.

Friday was a bad day, because I found out Walter might have a fatal disease. But I don't want to talk about it because it makes me sad.

What I do want to talk about it how effin' cool my dog is!

Case in point:

OMG, my dog is so awesome... I had the jersey specially made for him, and hopefully at the start of the football season, he'll be wearing it every Saturday, and on the first day Vince Young plays for the Titans.

Go long Walter!

Jenni's Gone Viral!

Hi guys,
As most of you know, I work for a PR agency and I do a variety of activities on the behalf of some pretty cool clients. My team has launched a viral Web site for one of our clients, Smoothie King, and I encourage you to check it out, sign up, submit a video and forward videos onto your friends. Here's the link: http://www.extremecastingcall.com

If you dont participate on my behalf, then do it for the prizes! If your audition gets chosen as a winner (Ted, this is calling your name!!!), you could win one of three fabulous prizes! Heck, if you forward on videos to your friends, youre also eligible to enter for prizes!

Unfortunately, if you are related to me (Becky, Kennie, Robbie, and Kristy, my sincerest apologies) you are not able to win anything, but for those of you with no Jenni or Justin blood flowin through your veins, you are eligible.

AND FORWARD ON TO YOUR FRIENDS. PLEASE!!!! Even relatives!!! Put a link on your page, do something!!! I want this to go viral and be showcased on the Web shows on VH1! Ha!

So ham it up folks, and visit http://www.extremecastingcall.com for more information on how to enter!

Babies, and how I'm not having any :(

Justin had the wonderful opportunity to baby sit Colin (shown here), a very cute, adorable and active cousin of his, while Colin’s mom and I went shopping.

I don’t think Justin quite knew what he was getting into, as he willingly offered to watch Colin. Someday, Justin is going to make a terrific dad, and I’m incredibly excited about the prospects of having adorable little red heads running around our house someday. But now is not the time.

By the time we returned five hours later, Justin didn’t even get a chance to say hello or bye, as he ran away.

Yes, he ran away, went to go chill out by purchasing baseball cards. It was almost comical really – he looked fried. Colin on the other hand, was still going strong, running around in nothing but a t-shirt and diapers.

After Justin returned, I was informed I (he said “I” referring to me, but really, I think he was referring to himself) am not ready to have children, saying I couldn’t handle that. He’s the one that ran out the second we got home. Nerd.

HAHAHA… I was like, seriously Justin, it isn’t like the Lord has women popping out two-year olds. That’s why you have a nine-month incubation period, and the baby starts off tiny and grows into a crazy kid. It’s so you have time to adjust.

So my attempts to have babies, quit my job, etc. have been foiled for the next two to four years, as I could not handle it. Dang it.

Boohiss!

I’m in a writing rut.

Rarely am I at a loss of words for my blog. More often than not, I rely on my blog writing to jumpstart the writing that I get paid to do; alas, it appears that the tables have turned.

I’ve knocked out three draft press releases this week and some web copy, painlessly I might add. Usually it would take me days, weeks, kick in the pants by an individual known as Mighty Tejana. It’s like, gross, really, how much stuff I have jammed out on this week.

I mean, usually the blog is almost this epicenter of all the crappy crap in my head that I have to get out in order to write decent stuff. Now, I have no crap in my head to spill.

Instead, I’m left with a willingness to actually write stuff I’m supposed to write on.

This doesn’t make any sense, which of course, is perfect, because I’d rather be writing nonsensical items here instead of somewhere else.

God Bless America… and Mexican Beer!

I guess the Fourth has different meaning for everyone, and I’m no different.

There are parents praying for the safe return of their sons and daughters from Iraq, war veterans recalling previous battles and what they fought for, while others find it an opportunity to celebrate a day off from work for fun, food, and drunkenness.

But for me, I find it a chance to reflect on my granddad, who passed away five years ago today. I always have a rough go at it in the weeks leading up to the Fourth, I guess because his death was the first and only passing I’ve ever witnessed. To be honest, I hope I never see something like that again, but I suppose I’m lucky to have lived to 19 and never witnessed someone dying in front of you.

So this morning, I woke up, cried a little, remembered what a true American stands for, and spent the day with Ashley and her family out in Comfort. I was thinking about going home to Dallas, but I had to work yesterday, and I found out my mom had to work. That and my family never talks, reflects, discusses the Fourth and Gramps’ passing, so I figured, what’s the point?

Comfort, Texas is about an hour and a half southwest of Austin, between Kerrville and San Antonio on I-10. It’s a beautiful drive through the Hill Country, and there is nothing quite like a serene 70-mph drive on Hwy. 290 through Johnson City and Fredericksburg while listening to Madonna and Kelly Clarkson. Haha. God bless crappy, yet awesome pop music.

I got there in time to see a traditional July Fourth parade, complete with “Little Miss Comfort” pageant contestants and their floats. After a few good laughs at the fake waves these girls were tossing out to the crowd, I quickly realized they must be taught to wave like corpses. I also learned that a horizontal oval looks much better in presentation than the more common circle wave.

But probably the best float/parade moment was the Mexican float. Now, I hate being stereotypical, but this totally went down!

So, their float was just a big trailer, not decorated, with people just sitting in the float, not really doing anything. And
instead of throwing candy to the children like the rest of the floats, they had coolers filled to the brim with, take a guess, Mexican beer. AND they were passing the stuff out to the crowd along the streets!! HAHAHAHAHA! I couldn’t stop laughing, and if I had thought before I left my house the morning, I totally would have grabbed my camera for a blog picture opportunity!

Only in Texas would that stuff go down, and only a city south of Waco and outside of the Bible Belt would something like this be approved as a valid parade float. HAHAHA.

So, happy Fourth -- and happy shortened work week!

Clutch!

You Are Ernie

Playful and childlike, you are everyone's favorite friend - even if your goofy antics get annoying at times. You are usually feeling: Amused - you are very easily entertained You are famous for: Always making people smile. From your silly songs to your wild pranks, you keep things fun. How you life your life: With ease. Life is only difficult when your friends won't play with you!

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Decorating!

So I've been decorating the past two weekends... and I'm pretty sure I'll be keeping it up too.
Here's our yard a few months ago... it looks completely different now, but Justin needs to mow, so I'm not taking a picture yet... that and we have a horrible problem with poison ivy and oak! OMG! Horrible! We need to hire a professional, but the better half thinks he can do it himself...

It's been over a month. It's still there.

Anyways, here are a few more pictures of the progress on the house.

This is our breakfast room, in between the living room and the kitchen. There is this rug I bought before we moved in that has my official color purple in it, along with different shades of brown and beige, and my new fav color, turquoise. West Elm, a cheaper, and might I say cooler, subsidiary of Pottery Barn (they own everything!) had these adorable linen curtains on serious clearance. 96' length too, so it really adds to the high ceilings in the house. Clutch.



Here's the study! It's at the front of the house, so it has a nice view of some trees, and other people's houses.

The other wall of the study sucks right now, because in Phase 4 of the house, we are going to get built in cabinets and bookshelves, with a desk, but until then, it is just my old bookshelf from when I was little.

Until then, I show you this gorgeous wall. Also from West Elm, are these kickin' 108' length silk dupioni curtains. That is a matching pillow, and then a little shelf that I can't get to stand straight. Also, that is the most comfortable leather recliner ever. Seriously, it is the softest leather, and goes so far back that you could easily fall asleep. I call it the "Gramps Recliner" because my grandfather would have loved this thing. Hopefully, he's got one even better upstairs ;)

Here is the dining room! An excellent architectural feature of this room is the cross-support beams in the middle of the ceiling that lead up to the skylight, and that's what the chandelier hangs from.

Um, I think this room still needs some more color, in the form of a table runner or something, but for now, I just have some flowers hanging on the wall vase.

Okay, actually, in describing this room, I just fell asleep, so it needs some more work ;)

Next up on the decorating block -- main guest bedroom (I need to finish re-staining some furniture, but that's it!), find a twin bed for the middle bedroom, (I want a day bed in there that will eventually match a crib because it will become the nursery... and before anyone freaks out, I used the term eventually, which means not for another year-and-a-half or two years), and my bedroom/bathroom (I just got some of my sister's prints framed, so I'm trying to figure out how to incorporate it... in fact, here's a picture of that... just ignore the hideous flash in the middle.)

Saved?

I'm feeling a little contriversal this morning watching the movie Saved!, a great favorite of mine.

Back in middle school/high school, I grew up in the bible belt capital of the world -- Dallas, Texas. Ironically, it is also the most populated city of homosexuals and home to the largest homosexual/transgender Christian church. Tells you a little something about the Dallas area. ;)

I'm Catholic, so it made for an interesting time, I suppose. Any given year I had about four or five people try and "save" me. I never really understood that because, um, I believed in Jesus and went to church every Sunday. Of course there is more to being a Christian then that, but you get my drift.

The point is, everyone is a little different in how they worship, pray, follow, etc. There is no one set way, there never will be. But so many people/Christians try to fit that into one category, the right category. It's more than one can handle sometimes.

And to make it worse, the establishment of church itself sucks. Take a trip up my work elevator and you'll get the drift... This large church in Austin has a commercial on during a news station break. Apparently, if you have digital cable, you can go to their own channel!

Okay, maybe I'm not the prime example of how to run a church, considering I don't have a church. But still -- I feel like the most important thing for churches right now is not to spread the word of God, but to get new members, becuase that means more $$$.

It's like a friend of mine's church in Houston. She found out they spent more than $700k on advertising in a given year. Missionary work? A measely $5k.

Churches have become a business/money making opportunity, a chance to "get new members" isn't necessarily to save -- but almost to steal others from other churches so more cash can be received. Argh! It makes no sense!

Everyday, people still accept the Lord into their hearts, and I'm happy for them. These churches help them, and that's great. But I still feel like there is this shift, to get as many people going to church, instead of focusing on something more important than a building. It's weird. And frustrating. I guess because it is hard to find people that feel this way, and the fact that I'm still struggling to find a church that isn't focused on just these things.

Take for example this church Justin and I frequented on ocassion. Our last visit, they sang a Cher song -- or rather one person sang the Cher song while we all watched with our mouths open. Say wha? The song was in no way related to Jesus, and I'm pretty sure that Cher isn't religious, or not outwardly so. The sole point was to put on a "concert" and entertain, not to spread the word. That was the last time we went to that church.

Anyways, don't take this e-mail as knocking you, your church, more me saying I'm not into Jesus anymore. I'm just trying to get this off my chest :)

Golfing

I've been working on my golf swing/game/hitting the ball during the last few weeks, and I feel like I'm making solid progress.

So in true Jenni fashion, I decided to reward myself with the following:

• Pink golf glove by Nicole Miller. Well, at least I didn't get the $8,000 Louis Vuitton golf bag I saw. Although, I will say, if Coach made one, I'd start saving my money. Plus, think of all the purses and shoes I could buy with that much money.
• 15 pink golf balls. I would have gone with the purple (my official color); however, I've found that the majority of my golf outfits are pink, and I didn't want to clash.

Now, to clarify, I had actually bought Justin something for our anniverary (we celebrate two... when we started dating and our wedding dates... JB is trying to get out of the first one, because he doesn't want to spend the money, which is a fair argument, but I got an iHome out of the deal, so woot), and I needed to get the order above a certain point for free shipping. So I wasn't as much rewarding myself as trying to save money.

Yes, Jenni... keep telling yourself that.

I'm going to try out a new church this weekend... the Catholic church out in Lakeway, and then maybe go watch Justin play in the Lakeway Cup. He's such a talented golfer, and it is a lot of fun to watch him dominate.

Alright, I'm pretty sure this is the crappiest blog I've ever wrote. I'm debating erasing this whole thing, but to be honest, it isn't worth the effort.

We’re expecting? Um, what?

Father’s Day is that time of year when families get together, profess their love of good ‘ol dad, and then go about their daily business.

Justin and I had his entire family over (around 20 people) to the house for some golf, fellowship, and food. His family has a tradition of passing out an enormous amount of cards (Hallmark must make enough money off of them in one year to supply ten full-time artists/writers) and this “holiday” was no different.

What was different this year is Justin getting a Father’s Day card. I was minding my own business cleaning the kitchen while others were opening gifts (it was also Justin’s sister’s birthday and his uncle’s), when I hear, “Jenni, you got Justin a father’s day card? OOOOH, are you pregnant?”

Um, hell no I’m not. But let’s back this boat up.

I don’t do cards first of all. I find them to be an enormous waste of money and they get thrown away that same day. I mean, buy some chocolate for that $2.50 instead of a card that approximately 15,000 other people get in a given year.

Second, if Justin were to receive a card from me proclaiming I’m pregnant, it definitely wouldn’t be in front of 20 other people, all finding out at the same time. That announcement is a private moment meant to be shared between me and him… and then shortly thereafter, as many people as I can call in one day.

So it turns out it was just a bad joke by some family member on Justin, or me… I don’t quite know.

But seriously folks, let’s try and keep the witful humor related to things like poop, pee, someone farting, not on my uterus. It just isn’t as funny.

Barf… literally

Some people are light sleepers, others sleep really hard, and carry conversations with people while sleeping and don’t remember. Others become apathetic during their sleep and only recall their idiocy when they wake up… or are reminded of it.

In high school, I carried on a conversation with a friend at about 10 p.m. – however, I was asleep. The following morning my dad wakes me up to listen to the answering machine. Apparently the conversation was recorded on the answering machine, which was hilarious, because I had no idea I was even on the phone. Much like when I’m awake, my discussions make no sense when I’m asleep.

Fast forward to 10 years later. I’m asleep by 10 p.m. (not much has changed since high school apparently…) and I vaguely remember Walter trying to wake me up between 10-11:15 p.m., but I didn’t care.

Then Justin comes in around 11:15, and wakes me up with this proclamation: “Oh my God! It smells like shit in here.” Then my memory of Walter trying to wake me up flashes through my mind, followed by an, “Aw, crud.”

Walter pooped, peed, barfed, and then left puddles of poop (I know gross… sorry). Justin ran off to the bathroom at one point while we were cleaning because he felt sick, and then I was jumpy the rest of the night thinking it was going to happen again… plus the smell was HORRIBLE all night long.

So, glad I was paranoid because he barfed and peed again at 4:45… I rushed him outside and he did his DIRRRRRTY business again out there. WOOO. Thank goodness. I don’t know how much more my carpet can take.

I went to check on him during the midday, and he seems a lot better, and he ate some food. So, he’s in the clear for now! I will talk to the vet on Friday about what causes this and how I can prevent it from happening twice in one night!

YUCK!

Waxing

Don't you hate it when you are getting your eyebrows waxed, and you are waiting, just like, trying to be cool without jumping or something when the stylist "lets it rip?"

Yeah, and then I hate it when I stop anticipating after several false starts and then she rips and it's like, CRAP! PREPARE ME FOR THAT!

Okay, that's all. I just needed someone to share in my pain.

My weekend.

This past weekend, my parents came in (I'm still not ready to discuss why my parents drive me crazy) and they dropped off all of my memories from childhood and high school.

Fun stuffed animals, a fisher price record player (still in pristine functioning order... that's totally worth some money), some photos (dang, I need to get back down to my anorexic size... haha... kidding). and the best part was getting my grandmother's china.

It's really cute -- nothing too expensive -- Gran was cool enough to keep the original documentation of the set (Style House "Duchess" is the exact name), and nothing says class like Montgomery Ward :) Regardless, I adore it. It's a simple white plate, lined with silver pine on the outer rim.

So I had almost gotten the house the way I wanted it, and now our study is once again the crap room. BOOO.
Anyways, so yesterday, Justin and I spent a relaxing afternoon playing golf at the country club and then had a nice dinner at the clubhouse. I'm actually getting pretty decent at golf, and Justin and I figured out that if I were to play every whole and start at the spot I should, I would only have a handicap of 70. HA! But seriously, huge strides in my game. I can actually make contact with the ball now ;) Plus, let's just cut to the chase, I like wearing the cute short skirts.

It’s Been Awhile

Well, I’m happy to report that it is currently 75 degrees in Austin on May 31. You read right folks- the world is coming to an end when it is hotter in Washington D.C. (or so I’ve been informed) than it is in the entire state of Texas (okay, El Paso is 93, two degrees warmer than DC).

So horrible news. I’ve been informed we have a wedding to go to in August (GASP!), which means I’ve got 20 pounds to lose before then. I’ve been having trouble with the weight lately, despite my attempts at eating healthy, so I’m pondering the Jenny Craig (no) or the L.A. Weight Loss (maybe) options. Justin thinks it’s stupid, and maybe it is. But if it helps me shed the pounds, he can shove it. And of course, shove it with love.

So I have a feeling this blog will be about my attempts (again) to try and shed the pounds, so I expect all of you (all three) who read this to keep me honest. But I’m also doing this for another reason, besides looking hot and sassy in August. I mean, a year from now, Justin and I will probably start trying the procreation thing (eeeegad!) and I want to be in the fittest, healthiest shape possible because, a) it makes the pregnancy easier, and b) the baby is healthier.

In other news, Justin’s sister has been living with us for a week now, and it’s going really well. It’s nice having another girl in the house, because sometimes Justin is such a freakin’ boy, with all of his ESPN, golf playing, dorky life.

Oh, wish him luck next weekend – he’s trying to qualify for a golf tournament at Pinehurst. (Apparently one of the first and nicest golf clubs in the U.S.) Just since we have joined the country club, his ability to play golf has already made him a coveted piece – a.k.a. “join my golf team you crazy player!” I, on the other hand, have gone two steps backwards in my playing ability, and still struggle to hit the ball. Yeah, look at that period at the end of the sentence, not “hit the ball…far” or “hit the ball…where I want it to go” – just hit the ball. I’ll figure it out again at some point, and it will be oh so glorious.

Until next time suckas.

Announcement!

I’m really excited to announce a new member of the Balthrop Austin clan. The new member came a little sooner than we expected, but Justin and I are stoked nonetheless.

Welcome Kristy to our humble home! JB’s sister will be residing with us for a few months while she tackles an internship in Austin. YAY! Someone to shop with!

If I was on South Park...

So I was doing my weekly tech-blog reading and one, came across this way cool music blog that will totally revolutionize the way orchestras/musicians read music, and then two, a way to create your own South Park character. So here is mine…

Sweet.

Bon Voyage!

Welcome back DirectTV… it’s like the cable knew I was returning to watch it! Probably my all-time favorite Charlie Brown special is on , Bon Voyage Charlie Brown (And Don’t Come Back).

Surprisingly, a lot of people have not seen this Charlie Brown special, and let me tell you, they’re missing out!

I mean, somehow, Snoopy and Woodstock not only have passports to travel abroad, but Snoopy is the only one of the gang that can drive a car.

Plus, Snoopy gets sloshed on root beer. Tell me this isn’t the best?!

I've got the shakes.

It’s coming…

A wave of anger so deep that it is causing my eye to twitch and my hands to shake violently for the last week.

I guess it started at the tail-end of those blasted thunderstorms, and looking back at my previous posts, I’m sort of surprised I didn’t blog about them. I could have sworn I did!

Anyways, back on track, our DirectTV has been out for two weeks, and last Friday we discovered our phone line is also out.

Along with the daily dose of stress at work (which I’m not complaining, it just happens every once and awhile) I’ve started to develop this twitch on my right eye. I’ll be talking to someone, and it just starts twitching. Then starting yesterday and peaking today, my hands started to get numb and shake violently.

I mean, I guess it is either a sign of Parkinson’s or small anxiety attacks, but I choose to go with the ladder because it makes more sense, and it doesn’t scare me.

I can’t wait to relax this weekend. I’m really looking forward to it!

Leave My Pumpernickel's Alone While I Dance!

Um yeah.

You might be wondering where in the hell that title came from. If I had read it thirty minutes ago I would be wondering the same thing.

Tonight, Justin and I set up this desk system that we acquired from Costco. Yay, Costco! Anyways, I decided to boot up the old college computer (Dell was the thang in college, fo' real) and grab all of my old MP3's off of it.

However, the problem is two fold:

One: I have no connection to the Internet on this thing.

Second: For some reason, if I burn Data CDs on this computer (so like 300 MP3s on one CD, per say) it won't read it on any other computer. It doesn't matter if it is a Word Document, something is just corrupted and it can only burn audio.

So I have a lot of songs on my old computer, because, well, let's all admit it, we were all into Napster in college. Those days are gone, and I'm too frightened to steal music now from odd online sources, but I want these bloody songs!

I mean, in my spare time I was burning such quality classics as: Part of Your World by Ariel the mermaid, Everything I Own by Bread (and by NSYNC, but they really did the song a disservice), or even the Saved by the Bell theme song. I mean, seriously folks, I want these songs.

But perhaps the songs that will live forever in my heart takes me back to a little place called "University Commons" off of Wickersham Lane my freshman year. Here, me, Enrico, a Filipino friend of his, and James Willis, all huddled around this small ass microphone I had, tied to the pulley on my ceiling fan and sang/played our hearts out for a little song called Pumpernickel's Curse.

And seriously, given the fact we were in a room about the size of a potato, recording two acoustic guitars, a bass guitar, a violin, and my voice on a microphone the size of my thumb, shows what a bunch of retards we were. Nonetheless, the song was recorded, showcasing the talent of a bass player (James), a talented song writer (Enrico), a hella good acoustic guitarist (some friend of Enrico's who also sang backup) and then the tits and ass (a.k.a. the brains) of the group, me (and my attempt to sing lead vocals while playing a violin, both done poorly).

So the songs are still on my old computer, and I just finished transferring them to my laptop for again transferal to my iPod. Other solo breakout songs include the hits "Leave" and "Dance," both showcasing my ability to overcompensate on the piano for my mousy voice. It's awesome.

Ikea and the Bed…

Some of you (well, maybe just one person) might remember a trip to Houston and Ikea back in April. Well, I’m happy to report that we were finally able to assemble the canopy bed we bought.

Yes, you read right: it took us a month and a half to finally put the bloody bed together. The funniest part is 99 percent of the bed was put together the afternoon we bought it (by myself I might add… muscles flinching as she types). But, there were these funky cross bars that wouldn’t attach to the bed because the holes were too small to fit the screws in.

After much arguing, analysis, and consultations of experts (i.e. Justin’s cousin and a co-worker), we decided that these cross bars provided no additional structural support to the bed frame. This analysis period took well over a month to complete.

So yesterday we made the bed, tested it out (take that for what you will), and felt accomplished.

Politics and Roaches... one in the same?

So I was in the Big D this past weekend for a couple of reasons: one, it was Mother’s Day, and I had to surprise my mom with an iPod Nano my sister and I went in on (although, the younger sibling has yet reimburse me for my troubles). Second, Saturday also marked the culmination of a very hard fought battle for my dad to get on the town council.

I think I got my dad into trouble with his campaign manager, because he neglected to inform her of my work background. She about murdered him on the spot actually when I told her I do PR, but since he won, she forgave him. She said she’ll use me when they find a candidate for mayor… I’m thinking it might be her.

See, Dad thinks I’m still seven, so of course he wouldn’t recommend that they funnel their messages, Web site copy, and news releases through me. Oh well, I don’t think I would have had time for it anyway.

Apparently, Sunday also marked the time when Mom decided to force all of my old belongings back on me. No big deal, except we had minimal space in the vehicle and she tells me this as we still have guests (Justin’s family) at the house. So instead of visiting with people, I’m forced to go through crap. Booo…

Also what I didn’t realize is that there would be tons of roaches in the boxes when I opened them at my house. Luckily, I had Raid on hand to prevent any rapid escape by these disgusting creatures, but it was so gross.

So I’m unpacking my old items (trophies from middle school and high school… in Speech and Debate, and orchestra) and two years ago I couldn’t throw away any of this stuff. I don’t know if it was Desperate Housewives calling my name or the thought of roaches crawling through all of my stuff, but I no longer felt the need to keep all of this crap.

So no more of the “Lead Me On” album by Amy Grant, and no more of that repulsive turquoise ceramic medallion I made when I was 10… they are now in the trash.

Because the trash pickup in Austin is funky, I decided to run to one of the huge trash bins in the housing development that the construction workers use, and dump my boxes filled with roaches there.

AND I TOTALLY THOUGHT I GOT BUSTED!!

As I was attempting to throw these boxes up 11 feet into the air (which 75 percent of the time I missed on the first attempt), I saw this car going into reverse. So I freaked out and got in my car to speed off. Except I’m a retard and went to a dead-in street.

So I tried to pass off my stupidity by getting out of my car (while it's still running) and trying to hide in a house. Well problem one: the car totally saw where I was and parked near me and two: the house I tried to hide in was locked.
Oddly enough, the guy that was driving car that was following me went into a house across the street. I don’t know if they were calling the cops or what, but I SPED the hell out of there, parked in my garage and shut the garage door, breathing a sigh of relief.

While no one came knocking on my door, I still think the guy wrote down my license plate number. I bet we’ll get a citation in the mail or something. Good thing the car is in Justin’s name. HAH!

Why I Love Meredith Grey.

I’m in love with Grey’s Anatomy. I am starting to really dislike Desperate Housewives (I mean, it is just too far out there now… that show used to be a “tall-tale” of fairly realistic storylines, but now it is just stupid), so now I patiently wait through DH to get to Grey’s. Maybe it’s because I worked in a hospital for five summers in a row and feel a connection to the characters, from the nurses to the arrogant doctors, but I usually end up crying at the end of every episode.

So here is my gift to you, fellow reader(s). It’s one of my favorite blogs out there because it just gives additional insight into an already well-written show: http://www.greyswriters.com. Yeah, it’s a blog the writers of the show keep. Awesome.

For the one person that reads this!

Take My Quiz - http://www.quizyourfriends.com/linkIM02.php?quizname=060505170931-732611&

Cookie Monster

So there was this incident on Easter I need to discuss that I hadn’t really brought up.

I gave up all kinds of desserts for the lovely Lenten season, and as a reward, Gran made me her famous (and by famous I mean, I know about them and they are GLORIOUS) fudge and sugar cookies.

On Easter, I was fairly miserable and over dosed on serious sugar… she made enough for me to bring back, and I was clinging to them as we were loading up the car to head back to Austin.

Unfortunately, my husband, who in today’s blog will be referred to as EVIL JERK, told me to give him the desserts and for me to take Walter and put him in the car.

Like the obedient and loving wife that I am, I happily obliged him, knowing that my desserts would be in strong, caring, and safe hands.

I WAS WRONG.

EVIL JERK decided to not head straight to the car with the sweets; rather, EVIL JERK decided he was thirsty and needed a Propel before he left Dallas. Sitting the sweets down on the counter, EVIL JERK got is Propel and LEFT MY DESSERTS ON THE COUNTER.

Okay, so you may think I’m overreacting a tad on this, and to be honest, I know I am. But you just don’t get it until you experience this fudge and sugar cookie combo… I mean, it brings back all the memories of childhood and spending so much time with my grandparents, plus Gran could sell these desserts and make a crap load of money.

So about twenty minutes down the road, I realized we had left the sweets, and EVIL JERK refused to turn around and get them, even though it was entirely his fault.

And I cried. I admit it – My grandmother is 88 years old (89 in August) and this very well could have been her last batch of cookies and fudge she ever made me! And it isn’t like I have the recipes to these, I totally do… but as decent of a cook as I am, I just can’t compete with the expertise of Gran.

So we called EVIL JERK’s mom (known in today’s blog as M-I-L SAVIOR) and she froze the sweets for me.

It’s been weeks, and finally yesterday EVIL JERK went to Dallas for some meetings and golf with some clients or something, and picked up the glorious sweets, after I called to remind him and MIL SAVIOR.

And all day today I have been showering co-workers that are deemed worthy enough (or rather, that knew about my tearful pout) with yummy cookies and fudge. Ivette even wants me to ask how much Gran would charge for her fudge.

I’m telling you… I’m going to steal Gran for a week, and we are going to make fudge and cookies all week long, so I can learn the way of the Gran and then sell this stuff online.

XX-XY (Maybe even an XXH?)

What a boring day. I have a lot to do, and I’m doing it, but geez, I just want to go home and nap. I’m having a really bad headache, stemming from lack of water and annoying florescent lighting, and we are getting a new mattress delivered this evening for a bed we haven’t finished putting together. Lovely.

Yesterday was a busy day. We had to finish cleaning the apartment and turn in our keys (about an hour in we both said “Fuck It” – to cleaning) and left. Haha. Ashley stopped by to see the house before she left for Houston. While she was in town she got a sweet new car – fully loaded Toyota Four Runner… gorgeous – and so Justin christens it with “JB was Here” on the back window. I’m pretty sure Ashley was a little miffed, but her car was dirty, and it attracts immature boys to write stupid sayings.

Ivette and Lissette stopped by to scope out the house too, which was fun. I got to see Ivette’s new sweet ride (which I’m thinking, if you want to get a new car, just plan to stop by our house). They got Walter a ball, and it was hilarious. He destroyed it in literally 15 minutes. Walter is crazy.

Then we went to a 2 year-old birthday party. Colin is cute, and I’m fairly sure he is going to take after his dad and cousins (that being Justin) and be a sarcastic terror. He’ll do something, give you an evil glare, and then crack up. It’s just a sign. Then someone told me that my baby will look like Colin. Colin’s cute, and I hope that my kid gets red hair, but I would prefer a freak of recessive genes and the kid have dark hair and dark skin, like the rest of my family. Haha.

Which, speaking of, remember those blocks that you would do in middle school to track recessive genes and dominant genes. They actually stopped teaching that in schools because kids were figuring out their mom or dad wasn’t really their mom or dad. Crazy stuff.

Okay, back to word. My seven minute break was long over due, and subsequently, now over.

The 'Nilla Effect

Nilla® Wafers are the bomb.

As a child, you get your first taste of them in banana pudding. I am not a big fan of bananas, so I would use the pudding opportunity to steal more than my share of the circular goodness.

Flash forward to when my mom was trying to be frugal and purchasing the off-branded version of the ‘nilla, like “Hi-Top” Vanilla Wafers from Sack ‘N Save. Complete failure. I told her as such.

So we did a taste test. I told my mom that she could put the ‘nilla with two other different versions (like the Keebler version… don’t let those stupid midgets fool you, those vanilla wafers have a nasty aftertaste) and told her I could tell her which ones were which, blindfolded.

And, because I don’t talk trash without backing it up, that’s what I did.

From that moment on, my mom was a believer. And through high school (and occasional grocery runs in college) that is what my mom got me.

And then I forgot about them. In college they tried this whole “New and Improved” but the ‘nilla didn’t need improvement. And so I forgot about them because it just wasn’t the same

But I saw them again for the first time in years at CVS yesterday. I had to run in to obtain some womanly items (I guess I could say TMI here, but this entire blog is TMI, so you really read at your own risk) and as I’m walking to the register I see the glorious ‘Nilla wafers. A whopping $4 is pretty ridiculous for a box, but I couldn’t help myself.

Oh, and they went back to the original goodness that is the ‘nilla. Let me freakin’ tell you.

So thank you Nabisco. You momentarily sold yourself out, but you have been redeemed in my eyes. Thank you… (tear falls) Thank you.

Fire Drill

I just came to the realization I am horribly out of shape, and it could mortally wound me.

In the event of a fire at my office building downtown, it appears I would make it down 25 flights of stairs just fine. Then walking to the safe place, I may spontaneously begin twitching my legs, and if standing for long periods of time, collapse.

I didn’t get to the third element of that doomsday scenario, but I met the first two.

Piss.

Fear

There is nothing like taking a warm bath while surfing the Internet. I guess it sounds a little dangerous (think blow dryer in the tub or something) but there is no way that the laptop would have fallen in. I mean, it would have had to come to life and flipped over and in for it to land in the water.

But I digress from a point I have not even put in writing yet.

I’m feeling sorry for myself. It’s a weird feeling because I don’t think I have ever felt it before. I don’t particularly like it, and I dug my own hole, so I should just suck it up, right?

Justin is in NYC, and he hasn’t even been gone 24 hours and miss him. Pretty pathetic, no? To top it off, I just made myself chocolate icing and ate it, and I haven’t done that in YEARS!! (mmm… so good) It’s all just a bad sign! Especially the chocolate icing part.

And to top it off, I hate being at the house all by myself. Like, it sucks. Every sound I hear I think someone is breaking into the house. I can’t wait until we get a mattress for the guest bedroom so I can force someone to spend the night when Justin is off in NYC.

I’m a paranoid individual with an innate fear of being by myself and also the fear of someone possibly talking bad about me. Isn’t that horrible – that has to be the two stupidest combinations of fear ever.

I’m not scared of spiders. Depending on the snake, I’m not that frightened of them. But put me in a room by myself or have two people stand next to me and not be able to hear what they are saying, I’m petrified. Oh, and maybe getting a mosquito bite; I have an allergic reaction to those.

It’s screwed up, is what it is.

My weekend update.

Do you ever have one of those weeks where everything is sort of screwing up, it’s your fault, and you’re watching a bunch of stuff fall apart, like an out of body experience? I had one of those weeks. Yuck.

This past weekend I spent a ridiculous amount of time watching television and catching up on movies. No wonder last year’s box office SUCKED. Let’s start off with the first movie I watched: Herbie, Fully Loaded. I’ll admit it, I giggled when Herbie decided to get the hots for the new bug. It was cute, and as an avid Herbie fan (remember the Monte Carlo movie! LOVED IT!), this one actually kept the same type of feel. Unfortunately, that feel is now seen as lame, and Lindsay Lohan still sucked. Haha. Okay, then I watched Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. I almost need to re-watch it because I was in such shock at the craziness. I also watched some My Sweet 16 and Tiara Girls. (Stupid Aaron Reid… I wish Kayne West could perform at my house warming…) This weekend I also watched The Notebook (where I clinged to an unknowing Justin for 20 minutes after it ended crying) and Ella: Enchanted (way cute, love Anne Hathaway).

Anyways, this morning I left for work about 5:45 (fixing said “bunch of stuff falling apart”) but Walter REFUSED to use the restroom. I’m not too excited about this, and fully anticipate an anointing of my beautiful carpet. I have been keeping the carpet immaculate with my brand new Dyson that is seriously the coolest thing ever, and have used it twice since I bought it last week.

So, Walter wouldn’t go down the steps, like he was scared or something, and I even threw a ball down there to try and “make” him potty. He grabbed the ball, slowly I might add, and then raced back up to the door. Argh.

Alright, so I’m hungry now, I guess from being up since 5 a.m. Later!