Bread Bowls=Cold Weather

You might be wondering how I came up with this amazing equation, but it requires a few paragraphs of narrative that only I could write up :)

Let me start with, I was a total Biotch today. I don't know why, I just felt like being a giant butt today.

I guess it starts with the fact that the wind was howling all night long, and I lost sleep. Happy Jenni = min. 8 hours of sleep. Jenni did not meet this equation.

I cut a few people off more than I normally do in the morning commute -- but, I really needed to be at work, so I blame work :)

Then, I get a message on my YouTube page I had set up for a work project. I scurry over to YouTube only to discuss some moron con artist is pulling that "My grandmother put away $5.8 million in a bank in South Africa and now the government won't let the family get to the money, so if you give them your bank information, they'll pay you back." Oh, and the best part, "God Bless."

I think that put me over the edge, truly. So I wrote back to the e-mail address... "Dear Idiot. This scam is at least 3 or 4 years old -- find something new to use. Further, may God bless you, because he's not going to look kindly on someone trying to rip people off."

Unfortunately, it bounced back, and I was even more miffed.

Then, because it is quite chilly in the ATX today, I decided to go to my favorite place, Panera Bread for a bread bowl soup to take home.

They ran out of bread bowls five minutes before I got there. Jerks.

So I tell them I specifically came here for the bread bowl. And then I was like, you just lost my business for not having a bread bowl. The guy thought I was crazy. Honestly, I probably am.

So I go to McAllisters -- and they are out of bread bowls too!!!! WTF?!!!!! Unbelievable. At this point though, it's cutting into my Ugly Betty hour, and I have no choice but to order the greatest Spud of my life. So everything worked out.

But never get a craving for bread bowls on cold days, you'll be left sad. Like me. :'(


My Top 10

I haven’t updated in awhile, and while I keep wanting to with all the glorious tidbits of life I experienced during the last week, I just haven’t. Ay.

Anyways, to make the brain dump easier on myself – and you, oh loyal reader(s) – I have compiled a list of my top 10 Blogger-ish Moments. The first five kinda suck, because I can’t think of that many things that happened.

10. I love having four days off from work; however, the “Case of the Mondays” are particularly heinous afterwards.
9. Justin’s grandmother had cancer treatments on Thanksgiving Day. Very sad. BUT, she is still so beautiful – and her wig makes her look at least 10 years younger! I just think that is fabulous.
8. Black Friday was surprisingly easy going at Last Call in Austin. I mainly wanted to beat people up because they had poor fashion sense, not a poor attitude.
7. Potheads are sooo not cool. Not as much a blogger moment, as fact. Don’t do drugs, become a underpaid professional instead – it has the same downer effect.
6. Seeing a bunch of old people get off a bus in front of my parent’s house to pick pecans. HAHAHA.
5. Taking a 5-mile walk while the old people are picking pecans, only to come back and see my dad taking a picture of the old people in front of said bus and parent’s house. I was too tired to do another 5 miles though, so I just laughed really hard.
4. Going with Ashley to Fredericksburg on Saturday for a day of shopping. Nothing really that blog-tastic, other than the fact I blew an unbelievable amount of money of stuff that quite easily qualifies as junk. Makes for good Christmas gifts, I suppose. Just don’t ask me where I got your gift. Gift to myself – some Uggs… but I got those at Nordstrom after shopping in Fredericksburg.
3. Walter getting loose in the backyard and us freaking out that he ran away, only to find out he had somehow managed to prop up the fence, craw over to the neighbors, and get stuck over there. What a nut.
2. Justin breaking a pitcher filled with Crystal Light all over the kitchen floor. That’s not the funny part. The funny part was him trying to figure out how to use a mop – it was his first time mopping. Hil-ar-e-mus!
1. Being asked to vacuum my parents house and clean the bathroom (like, the toilet, the tub, everything) in return for staying there. Needless to say, we won’t be staying there again any time soon. Silly ‘rents!


America’s Finest News Source, at a Newsstand Near You

I was frolicking over to my second office at Sixth and Congress (no, not the Bank of America building where I typically reside – but that glorious beacon of light that provides my morning wallet gouging), when I look over to see the front pages of such quality newspapers as the Houston Chronicle, Austin American-Statesman, Dallas Morning News, Austin Chronicle, El Mundo, and um, The Onion.

That’s right kids, The Onion now has a print edition for each of your cities, and I suppose, for a limited time only, the paper is free. Glorious! Now I can find out that Chris Thaney of Hapeville, Ga., is starting his own car company after getting laid off from Ford -- and he expects to succeed. Or better yet, the real reasons why Brit and Fed-Ex are getting divorce.

PLUS, because I work for “The Man,” no one has to know that I’m visiting non-news source Web sites. If only PerezHilton would do the same. He would make a fortune.



In a Dodge Neon.

So I was parking my car in the parking garage this morning, and I look over at the car I parked next to only to see something attached to the steering wheel.

Upon closer examination, I discovered was an off-brand "Club" -- you know, those ugly red things that people used to "protect" their cars in the mid-90s?

Apparently, this individual thought his 2001 Neon is some sort of prize possession and had to "Club" it -- not knowing that the Club is like, the easiest hacked anti-theft device on the planet.

If a thief wants to break into your car, he will. That's why you have insurance.

And Arnold, if this is your car, I'm going to laugh so hard, and make fun of you forever. :)



Happy birthday, Serna -- I don't think you read this blog, but I just have to share this picture with people, even if it means my own embarrassment.

This is sick.

I'm disgusted. http://www.dailybruin.com/news/articles.asp?id=38960
For those wanting to see the video: http://youtube.com/watch?v=5g7zlJx9u2E (I'm not going to watch it... reading the news story is definitely enough.)


I’m related to a Desperate Housewife!

So I suppose I need to clarify this one, but it’s pretty funny. In middle school, myself (along with others who read this blog), went to school with a Josh Henderson. He was a bit of a player in the day, and I’m going to say, rightfully so – he was hot. He had a new girlfriend every week, which wasn’t entirely surprising back in the middle school era, but he had to move at the end of the year, breaking the hearts of a handful of girls.

Flash forward to 2001ish. Justin gets a call from his mom that his cousin (I think like 2nd or 3rd) is on this WB Making the Band-type show called Popstars that was, honestly, horrible. Turns out it’s Josh Henderson. So he’s on that show, and at Thanksgiving, another relative says he’s dating the younger, not-well-known sister of Jessica Simpson – Ashlee Simpson.

Anyways, they break up (obviously), and we’re told that he is trying to “make it” in Hollywood, and was in a Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie… not exactly big time, but whateva.

So I haven’t been keeping up with Desperate Housewives this season (I’ve watched one or two episodes) – and the hot new love interest for Julie on the show is Edie’s nephew… played by Josh Henderson! HAHAHA. So funny. He even has an IMDB page! Click: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1259068/ Apparently he’s been in a few movies too… Step Up as one of them. That’s so hilarious.

So in theory, I’m sorta related to him by marriage. I’ll really start cracking up if I read about him on PerezHilton or something.


Why Running in Circles is More Productive Than Voting

Back in 12th grade, specifically government class with Mrs. Anderson, I was Ms. Utopia Voterwoman – 18, and anxiously holding my voter registration card for the first opportunity to vote.

Then I met a Justin B. Justin was also of Utopian mindset until our sophomore year of college, when InfoWars and 9-11 tainted his view of politics. Now of the conspiracy mindset, Justin tries to inflict his anti-voting venom on me at any given moment.

And I’ll admit, up until about 4 p.m. today, the venom had a poisonous affect on me. That and the fact that researching politicians all day does not help their pleas that corruption, money, manipulation, and lies only affect a smaller portion of “their kind.” The fact of the matter is, even the most honest politician or his minions have one of those traits, no matter how “Christian” or “Honorable” they may be.

But seeing my fellow co-workers get into the “voting” spirit got me excited about my civic duty. And I realized, as much as I’m disgusted with politics today, my previous stance of “uninformed voters are much more dangerous than non-voters” made me feel even more apathetic. I became determined to make a change.

So I did some quick research, printed out some names, highlighted some topics, and left work early to vote. Instantly, I became an informed, or delusional, voter – some would argue both are one in the same.

I pull up to the Episcopal Church that is my voting station, and see the line reaches to the driveway. Not to fear, glorious technology is in place to make this civic duty a quick and painless process.

An hour later, I’m still in the driveway.

I finally get to the front of the line, show my driver’s license to the kind, but slow (as in the main reason why the line was going slow) man so he could confirm my registration in the precinct and be on my merry way.

My name, however, was nowhere to be seen on the binder.

“Sir, this must be incorrect. I re-registered to vote in the precinct when I changed the address on my driver’s license.”

The “voting judge, ” or whatever her title was, informs me that several people have come into only to find out that checking the box at DPS DID NOT WORK.

SONS OF BITCHES! Normally I do not speak such harsh terms regarding my former employer, but my old boss/friend/mentor is getting an irate call from me tomorrow.

At this point, I may have started to tear up, only because I truly wasted an hour and a half of my time for nothing. The judge tried to get some official on the phone, but the line was busy. And by this point, I couldn’t drive over to my old precinct because it was already 7 p.m.

So, I stood in line for an hour and a half, and the only people that knew my good intentions were me and God. Unfortunately, God wasn’t listed in my precinct either. He must live in a new neighborhood too.

So it appears that the three-year-old boy standing in front of me the whole time, running circles around his mom and sister, got more out of voting than I did… I went home empty handed – no “I voted” sticker proudly displayed on my chest.

Oh, and side note – a new girl at work asked me if I was pregnant today. But that’s a story for another blog.

Why Faith Hill's Publicist is Working Overtime...

I wouldn't want to be Faith Hill's PR person right now.

What an idiot... someone must have told her she was going to win.



Just Hear Those Sleigh Bells…

It’s begun. That time of year when you are suddenly, and without warning, whistling the classics – Jingle Bells, Silent Night. You don’t mean to, but the excitement starts building.

Usually, I’m the only child in my relationship – Justin plays it cool, old man-ish. But today he wanted to go get Christmas lights for the house. Like, $400 worth of Christmas lights. And then he decided to create this design on notebook paper.

I guess it’s just that time of the year. I spent the day wrapping Christmas gifts. Wee!