America’s Finest News Source, at a Newsstand Near You

I was frolicking over to my second office at Sixth and Congress (no, not the Bank of America building where I typically reside – but that glorious beacon of light that provides my morning wallet gouging), when I look over to see the front pages of such quality newspapers as the Houston Chronicle, Austin American-Statesman, Dallas Morning News, Austin Chronicle, El Mundo, and um, The Onion.

That’s right kids, The Onion now has a print edition for each of your cities, and I suppose, for a limited time only, the paper is free. Glorious! Now I can find out that Chris Thaney of Hapeville, Ga., is starting his own car company after getting laid off from Ford -- and he expects to succeed. Or better yet, the real reasons why Brit and Fed-Ex are getting divorce.

PLUS, because I work for “The Man,” no one has to know that I’m visiting non-news source Web sites. If only PerezHilton would do the same. He would make a fortune.