Driving Tip #35

Today's commute was weird. It started out fine: I got onto the highway, it was moving at a decent speed. Then I heard them. I looked in my rearview mirror and up the hill came two fire trucks, and ambulance and two cop cars, all in a row.

Motorists don't exactly know how to behave in this scenario. I'm sure that it was taught to us in Driver's Ed, but let's face it -- unless you are 16 and a newly minted driver, you don't remember. Some came to a complete stop in the middle of the roadway, casuing other cars to almost hit them. Others bailed out onto the grass and almost hit each other, some people didn't care and kept going, almost causing accidents themselves.

I was already in the far right hand lane, so I slowed to a crawl and tried to avoid getting hit myself and staring in horror at all the near misses I was witnessing.

And as the posse of emergency vehicles went by me, you sort of say a little prayer for whoever may be hurt on the road ahead. Because clearly, someone is seriously hurt and been in a car accident.

Or not. And with that, I bring you Driving Tip #35, especially for emergency personnel.

#35: When answering a call in rush hour traffic on a major highway, causing hundreds of people to veer off the roadway in an attempt at letting you pass, don't travel half a mile and then turn off your lights and give up trying to find the accident. You just screwed up the flow of traffic (and people's attempts to get to work on time) and pissed off a majority of the drivers. Instead, keep going with your lights on until the people you pissed off don't see you anymore, then turn off your lights. Yes, that would technically be lying, but everyone will still think you were going to save the day instead of possibly using your lights to get through bad traffic. Sincerely, a pissed-off motorist.

Car Driving Tip #33

Let's all be honest. If you live in Texas (particularly the great city of Austin), the "wave" negates any road action you might "accidentally" do. For example, there are two lanes of traffic at Southwest Parkway and N. Mopac always trying to get on the highway during rush hour, but only one lane actually has the right-of-way. The lane that doesn't have the righ-of-way actually moves up to 2-5 minutes faster by simply "butting" (not cutting... too harsh of a word) in front of someone else. Yeah, it's technically wrong, but everyone does it (sigh), and the wave negates it -- particularly when someone waves back. One time, I even saw two people wave using the "hook 'em" sign -- it was an awesome day to be a Longhorn, and may have brought a tear to my eye.

However, when you don't wave, you're being an asshole. Thus brings you car driving tip #33.

#33: When cutting in front of someone, you must wave, or risk offending the person who kindly slammed their breaks (or motioned you over) to let you in. To the person in the Hyundai with a rosary hanging from mirror - you didn't wave, you gave driving Catholics a bad name and you waited until the last possible minute to make the maneuver. Bad form, ma'am. Bad form. Sincerely, an insulted Catholic, car-waving driver.

Car Driving Tips #31-32

In Austin, you know if it's raining during rush hour you'll need to leave an extra 30 minutes to an hour before you normally do. But here are some not so obvious tips to keep your sanity during a wet commute into work.

#31: Don't swat at mosquitos while driving. You will only hurt yourself and still manage to get bit. Just roll down your window, brave the onslaught of rain coming through your now rolled-down window, and let the wind do the rest. Sincerely, your left hand (still throbbing from your failed attempt at mosquito death)

#32: Don't change lanes, a la Office Space. You will be Peter Gibbons and it will be frustrating. Sincerely, the Blue Hond Civic who cut you off, only to immediately want to turn left (with no turn lane available), sufficiently blocking traffic in your lane for five minutes while cars in the other lane speed by mocking your stupidity.

Car Driving Tips #28-30

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you'll see every once and awhile that I get fed up with drivers in this town. I've decided to switch these tips to my blog, just so I can describe the scenarios better. Today I bring to you Car Driving Tips #28-30:

#28: When on a highway, if a person changes lanes who is more than five seconds in front of you, at a rate of speed faster than what you are currently traveling, there is no need to slam on your breaks to assess the situation before returning to your regular speed. Sincerely, the person behind you.

#29: A yield sign is there for you to yield. Therefore, don't ignore my first horn blow as a mistake and give me a weird look they second time I honk. You have a yield sign. I don't. Right-of-way goes to me. Sincerely, the person who honked at you twice and still couldn't believe you were confused.

#30: Hot guys who drive Navy Range Rover's with lush brown leather seats should be banned from the roadways. Sincerely, the person who almost rear-ended the white Silverado while looking at said car/hot guy.