Picking Yourself Up

I’ve discovered I have a bit of a character flaw. Involving wheels. Stay with me here...

About three years ago, I had this brilliant idea to buy rollerblades. Back in the day, I loved rollerblading. Jumping off of curbs, spinning around until I was dizzy. To me, it didn’t really feel like it was that long ago. Apparently, my sense of time is a little whack.

So I get the rollerblades, and start doing my thing, going up the driveway, and immediately decide to jump the curb. Because, it was so easy only, I don’t know, 15 years ago. It didn’t seem like more than a decade. But as I saw my feet fly up, looking up at the sky, I realized ten years was a lot longer than I previously thought. And as my butt and back smashed into the concrete and my husband is yelling at me to see if I had a concussion, I had to laugh.

What the heck was I thinking, right? But like a good girl, I got back up and tried again. And fell three more times.

And after going home sick from work the following day because I was so sore, I swore to myself that I would put those stupid things back on and try again.

Three years later, they’re right where I left them, in plain view, inviting me to try again. But I don’t.

Apparently I have a limit to falling down and picking myself up again.

And it isn’t limited to rollerblades. About a month and a half ago I bought an awesome new road bike. And I fell -- about three times I think. And I haven’t been on it since, which is a bit of a problem, since I’m supposed to do a triathlon in June.

What on earth happened to my fearless sense of adventure that I had as a child? I never thought of the risks associated with riding a bike or rollerblading back then -- I just did it without reservation.

I want that ability back. But I don’t know how to find it. It’s so weird to know I felt that way at one point in my life and I can’t re-wire myself to think that way. Simply picking yourself up and trying again doesn’t work, and I have the scars and bruises (literally) from trying it.

And then, as I’m laying here in bed giving myself a headache from thinking too hard, how do these two events translate into how I approach other, less physical activities? Is it even the same thing? I’ve given up on a few people throughout my life, individuals who, despite my best intentions, were past the point of my time and efforts. Similar to the bike or the rollerblade, there is literally only so many times that you can get beat down before you flat give up.

Ah, “giving up.” The point where you stop picking yourself up. I looked the term up on Google to see what’s out there, and it’s pretty pathetic. Though, it was sort of funny that the second result pulled is on Bill O’Reilly giving up his syndicated talk show. Really random. It’s sort of funny his name is associated with that term on Google.

Okay, so the term “giving up” is apparently for losers. So I did another search for “Picking Yourself Up” and I was quite pleased with the results. We have a Zen result listed, some Hindu... and again, randomly, a Fox News story. Seriously. What the crap is up with that?

I choose to ignore the Fox News story and instead focus on the Zen angle. It’s a story on the Zen Habits Web site called, “Feeling Down? 7 Ways to Pick Yourself Back Up!” The exclamation point speaks to me (along with the feeling down... why yes, I’m feeling down... I’ve managed to literally fall down several times this year and it’s only March) so I continue reading.

Reading these seven pointers is interesting, because I’ve managed to realize I’m not in that bad of shape. Apparently, I should make lists (I do regularly); take action (I do until I fall down); exercise (ha, that’s funny... that got me into this mess in the first place); shower and groom yourself (err... I don’t need to be reminded of that anymore, I’m not five); get out of the house and do something (both events was actually right in front of the house...); play some lively music (what do you think Britney Spears is??); and, talk about it (this blog).

Sigh.

Let’s try another search result, Swing Time by Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. Crap, I wish I could dance in heels like that... but I would fall. A lot. Oh wow, the way Ginger’s dress swings around in 0:52 is pretty clutch. Random factoid -- did you know that Fred Astaire choreographed one of Madonna’s first tours, but she fired him? I read it in her brother’s autobiography.

Okay, so onto the next link from Hindu.com -- which turns out to be India’s National Newspaper. I love Bollywood, so I keep reading.

It ends up being a poem of sorts, which I enjoyed reading. I’ve bolded the good stuff that spoke to me. I hope you enjoy reading it :)

Three times I tried,
Defeat took all pride,
But each time I lost,
Everyone was saying,
Try, Try, Try again
For this is a saying
That hard work never goes in vain.
And I am still trying
Hope I succeed someday
Before I start crying.
You can understand,
How I feel,
After putting a lot of effort
No one wants to kneel.
To restart from the beginning,
It always takes time
And I am scolded,
For no crime of mine.
Yet with the burden on my shoulders
I gather courage to start.
But all my hopes are mined
When the chapters before me nastily laugh.
Oh God! What should I do?
In such mayhem caused?
Alas! I got an answer
With the inner conscience aroused,
Do not allow the fear
To make yourself pause
`Cause nothing is easy to achieve
What you can do is just
Work hard to please.
Last but not the least
Always remember
Nothing is impossible.
For hope sees invisible
And feels intangible
Hope never lets you die
Until you reach an ultimate high.
So just try and try again
As I am trying
And I'm sure that one day
Success will be mine.

Reetika Bajaj, XII Arts
New Delhi: Dayanand Model S.S. School, Mandir Marg