Hi God:
The last several months have been quite trying. For some reason, odd-years always seem to be my bad life cycle or something. It’s actually kind of funny. Even years included graduating from high school, my marriage to Justin and the purchase (cough, mortgage payments) of our own home. Odd years were just funks -- jobless, fatness, and now broke-ness? That’s not a word and we’re not quite broke (though the legal fees and Justin’s lack of a job are getting us there fast!), but You get the drift.
But none of that bothers me as much as the liars, cheats and fakes that have plagued my life for the past six months. People that claim Jesus is their Savior yet their multiple decisions prove their is no Light in their hearts; individuals who are too scared to stand by what they believe in and what is TRUE; outright liars who are more concerned with saving their own butts at the cost of others; greedy individuals (not just around money, but with the term “but it makes ME happy”). Sigh.
All of it just makes me question this rat race. It makes me wonder about Christianity and its dark side -- people that praise Your name on Sunday and when it suits them. It makes me cringe at the thought that I may have inflicted any of the above unintentionally on others in the past, because I’m seeing first hand the damage that it is causing in my life and those around me. But I don’t think I have, thank goodness. And if I have, I ask for Your forgiveness and that of the people I hurt.
You know I’m not one to normally wear my beliefs on my sleeve for a variety of reasons (it’s personal (between You and me), it has the potential to come off as less than genuine, I respect and value others’ beliefs and decisions, etc.), but golly, is it really that hard to be a nice person? Is it really that hard to stand behind truth and what is RIGHT? Because I am more than happy to fall on the sword of my own making -- especially if it saves others from the brunt force of it. I just wish others had that same courtesy.
So, if you could, continue to help me be the person that others don’t have the strength to be -- strong in Your way, upholding of truth, considerate of others and the ability to forgive. Because right now, I’m having serious difficulty with that last one.
Thanks in advance,
Jenni
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