The Definition of Sharing

After an incident this weekend, I decided to go to the source and figure out the exact definition of “share” or “sharing.” (Which, by the way, I find it highly amusing that when you type “Webster” into Google, the t.v. show isn’t event listed until the eighth entry… just thought you should know)


Inflected Form(s): shared; shar·ing
1 : to divide and distribute in shares : APPORTION -- usually used with out
2 a : to partake of, use, experience, occupy, or enjoy with others b : to have in common
3 : to grant or give a share in -- often used with with
4 : to tell (as thoughts, feelings, or experiences) to others -- often used with with

Synonyms: SHARE, PARTICIPATE, PARTAKE mean to have, get, or use in common with another or others. SHARE usually implies that one as the original holder grants to another the partial use, enjoyment, or possession of a thing . PARTICIPATE implies a having or taking part in an undertaking, activity, or discussion . PARTAKE implies accepting or acquiring a share especially of food or drink .


So here’s what I find the most interesting about the definition share, and may give insight into why it’s so difficult to do/practice: the usage scenario we as humans normally associate with the term “share” or “sharing” isn’t really an exact definition, rather it is implied, and typically implied poorly or flat out wrong.

Take for example the “incident” I’m referring to. So I’m inside of this small built-in cabinet (think a kitchen cabinet but within a living room) with a three-year-old, a five-year-old and an eight-year-old (shockingly I have the picture to prove it, which I will post at some point) and they are all arguing over who gets a nice flashlight versus the crappy wind-up flashlight.

(I swear, I’m going somewhere with this)

To keep the screaming down to a dull roar, I calmly ask the seemingly most logical of the three (eight-year-old) to share the flashlight with her two-year-old cousin. I get a resounding “no way.” Of course I ask why, and I don’t really get an answer (mainly because I feel at some level she realizes how stupid it is to be arguing over a flashlight in small cabinet with three other people in the first place).

I try rewording my ask a few different ways with no luck, trying logical reasoning techniques I’ve learned in very expensive work seminars. What I learned is that these techniques cannot be used against individuals under the age of 10. Sigh.

But after looking at the definition of sharing, particularly #3 and the bolded part in the synonym section, kids think of sharing as “giving up” something that they feel is rightfully theirs. And they don’t think, despite your desperate pleas, that they’ll get it back. Rather they associate “sharing” with giving away something for good.

So the next time you’re in a cramped space with multiple children and they start fighting, either remove yourself completely from the situation, or get earplugs. There is just no way out.