Look what comedic material fell into my lap

Most of you know I work in the public relations industry. I did six-to-seven years in PR penitentiary, i.e. PR agency life. But now that I'm out on parole (i.e. the beautiful freedom of corporate life), it's interesting to see the industry through a different point-of-view and I'm really enjoying the experience. (In all seriousness, agency life isn't that bad...)

Anyways, in my inbox this morning was a cold-call e-mail from a boutique PR agency I've never heard of. I'm changing up the names/locations to protect the innocent (highlighted in red), but this was just so awful that I couldn't pass up the opportunity to share how not to pitch your PR agency to someone:

Whoops!

I love how I counsel my colleagues (and former clients) that one shouldn't start a blog if you aren't committed to updating it at least once a month. And looking at my last post (dated July 26), I'm feeling a bit hypocritical right now.

I could tell you I've just been too busy (I have) or I haven't had anything to blog about (that's not true), but I think the truth is I'm in a bit of a social media rut. Between work, Fatroll (my lack of posts there coincide with a weight gain... sigh), Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn -- I'm worn out. I've been doing social media before it was cool, so I feel like where I'm at is where the rest of the world will be at in two years.

I'm not telling you to go and short Facebook stock (it's not even public, so it would be hard to do anyways), but I have an eerie feeling I'm not the only one who finds enjoying life and people face-to-face is way more fun that staying glued to my phone/laptop/Twitter feed/Facebook status updates/etc.


So now, I'm going to go back to bumming on my couch with my bum-partner-in-crime (Walter), listen to The Saint soundtrack from 1996 or something and re-read Harry Potter and avoid people until tomorrow.

Later ;)

And now, a quick commerical break

So, I'm dog-sitting a fun-loving wolf-pack this week. It's a set of five dogs that Justin and I check on three times a day to let them out, give them love and make sure their bellies are full of yummy dry dog food goodness (remember, I'm never feeding a dog wet food ever again).

Notice the wrinkles on his tounge? It's funny. Trust me.

Problem is, they're -- with the exception of one -- various different breeds of terriers. We have Duncan, the alpha of the pack, who is a goregous Westie (and my personal fav). His tounge is also bigger than his mouth can support, so just the tip of it always hangs out. Then there is Jack, the Jack-Russell terrier; Kingsley, the Pomeranian; Elvis, the Yorkie; and, Bella, a dark-,coarse-haired terrier mix. Bella is the only female of the group, and also the one who randomly barks for no reason. Most of the time, the guys just ignore her after awhile because she won't shut up, and you could probably make some societal conclusions about the whole affair if you think about the interaction long enough.

As cute as they are, their breed type also means they shed horribly. And this morning, I decided to wear an all-black outfit to check in on them before heading to work. I looked like I had my own coat of hair by the time I got to work.

BURN!!

I could be this chick, I suppose. Her skin looks like she is a pug.

Last week, I went tubing for the first time. You may have read about it and my #WTSDS. But it's been a week and a day, and while the redness has subsided from the resulting sunburn, my skin is itching non-stop. Like, I would be at work and would have to run to the bathroom just so I could scratch my skin for 5-10 minutes in peace and without feeling embarrassed. Or wake up in the middle of the night and sit in a warm bath just to make it stop.

Weird thing is, I'm not peeling. It just feels like I have ten million bug bites that won't go away.

Anyways, it turns out that there is a list of things you should and shouldn't do when you have itchy sunburn and I pretty much did all of it wrong. So in the interest of helping you all out in the heat of the summer, here's some tips and tricks courtesy of WikiAnswers to making sure you recover quickly.

To Go or Not To Go... A Decision on Going to my 10-Year Reunion

As some of you know, I've been toying with the idea of skipping my 10-year high school reunion. Justin is indifferent (we were in the same school, graduating class) and given the last year and a half, I don't really want to be asked about how my life is going. Because, news flash, it sort of sucks right now.

You know how it will go down, right? Something to the effect of, "Justin and Jenni! Never thought you two would date, let alone marry. ("Yeah, I'm pretty shocked  sometimes too...") How's life treating you? You both were so bright in high school, I bet you have great jobs. So, how's it going? Started having a family yet?"

And then my answer will inevitably be something along the lines of, "I'm going to go cry in that corner now." In some ways, I want to pull a Romy and Michelle and say I invented the Post-Its. It's not that far fetched, really. I do work for the company that invented them. Hahaha. Unfortunately, I am not in R&D and I'm not an chemist specializing in adhesives, so that would be a short-lived discussion. Or it should be... I wonder how far I could take that discussion with people... :)

Why Power Suits Ruined Opportunities for Women in the Workplace

Climbing up the proverbial work ladder in the last couple of years has introduced me to a wealth of information, expectations and stereotypes about women in the workplace.

And now I’m in a bit of a culture shock situation. The shift from a female dominated profession/workplace (like many PR agencies) to a male dominated one is making my head hurt.

Thanks to the 1980s Power Suit, women have struggled to be taken seriously in the workplace. Yes, the very style meant to prove that women were equal to a man (at least in the shoulders) is the very thing that has screwed us over in today’s society.

What Stopped Me Cold Turkey

I’m not ashamed to admit it – I devoured the Twilight books series in the span of a week and a half; two weeks if you count the online portion of Midnight Sun (the half-completed book that tells the Twilight story from a different character’s point of view).

And I remember watching the first movie (with a friend who will remain nameless) on DVD and I thought it was a bit ridiculous, but whatever. I was still on the Twilight high. There is something about crappy writing about high school angst that moves me ;)

But what literally stopped me cold turkey was an incident that took place about a year ago with two friends (and who will remain nameless as well) on the opening day of New Moon – the second movie in the series.

The New Job

I’ve gotten a lot of e-mails from friends and family asking about my new job – if I like it, hate it, etc. So in the interest of not repeating stories 10 million times, I’ll just go ahead and blog about my experience so far. Granted, I’m only in my third week, but I’m starting to get an idea of the culture, the work and the expectations my co-workers have for me – and what I have for myself.

It’s not that I hated the PR agency routine (in fact, I still adore my old agency and the folks I work with – they set a standard in work that I can only hope to emulate at my new job), but coupled with Justin’s unemployment and a need to take my career to the next level, I decided it was time for a change. That said, after seven years at various agencies, I was tired. As much as I love carrots, you sort of hate chasing them after awhile because when you do get a carrot, it tastes a few days past its shelf life. I guess that’s the best analogy for working at a PR agency I can find.

First Day of School!

Okay, I'm not going back to school. But I feel like I am.

Tomorrow is my first day at a new job. And I feel like I'm starting the first day of high school. Seriously. It's like everything that I've done this weekend I'm pretty sure I did as an insecure 14-year-old. Let me break it down:

Wet Dog Food: Don't Fall For It!!

In the past, I've always liked to treat Walter to a spoonful of wet dog food mixed with his dry food once or twice a year. Usually I did this when he got sick and his little tummy couldn't handle the dry food. And the food would be from the veterinarian's office, which means it's specially formulated to help him out more than for taste alone.

But I decided to get the Purina One wet dog food on a bit of a whim and I have regretted it ever since.

This apparently amazing tasting dog food (I'm having to take Walter's "word" for it) must have crack in it, because it's turned Walter into a total sloth. A pig. A chubby shell of his formerly cute self.

A Change is in the Air...

Ah, Spring. While today may not look like it (at least here in Austin where it is muggy and rainy), I'm already looking forward to the sunny days of late April and May. Swoon -- those are the months to live in Texas. June-early September, errr... not so much.

I've already started the Spring Cleaning of the house -- and first up to bat was the mess that became my closet. Using the Ashley-method of closet organization, my shirts and dresses are now organized by the color wheel from sleeveless to long-sleeved. Skirts are organized by length and pants are organized from lightest to darkest. My shoes (which aren't as many as I thought, though Justin would beg to differ) are organized first by color, then by heel size. Then to help with dirty clothing sorting (Justin has a bit of an issue with putting colors in the white bin and white attire in the colors bin), I put signage above each bin to aide with sorting. And I took out the power tools and installed hooks to hang PJs, workout bags, hats, etc. Finally, I'm hanging some of my favorite shopping bags as decoration.

I can't wait to have people over to show off my fabulous new closet. Amazing how cleaning up the clutter makes you feel like your life is actually put together as well. I highly recommend it!

Food and Exercise Log for February 9, 2010

For those of you visiting from the @fatroll blog, welcome. :)

Those of you who don't read @fatroll, quick recap. I'm starting to get pudgy again. I've slacked off on working out and eating healthy the past two months and my body is rejecting what I'm throwing at it. Upset stomach, headaches, etc. No more! Back to eating healthy and getting my energy through working out, not through caffeine in three cans of Diet Sunkist (mmm).

At the end of each day, I will post a screen shot of my food and excerise intake from LoseIt.com. (I use and adore their iPhone app. It may be the best reason to own an iPhone.) Feel free to add me as a friend if you want on there. And if you are looking for a way to lose weight (It's how I originally lost close to 20 pounds in Round 1 of @fatroll!), I highly recommend it. Plus, it's free.

Here you go. Day 1! Ping me if you have questions!

Preparing for LOST... how to do a watching party right.

February 2, 2010. If I have to take the day off from work (or the next day off to digest what occurred on this day), I will.

This quite possibly, is the most important day of the year for me, until a TBD date in May when the series finale of LOST will occur and my mind will be blown -- or I will be hella pissed off -- because of the awesomeness.

A New Decade...

January 13, 2000, 9 a.m.: If it was an "A" day, I am currently sitting in Coach Hall's Calculus class three seats behind the young man I would eventually marry, pretending to solve an anti-derivative while I secretly play Tetris on my TI-86 calculator. The thought of even kissing the boy would have most likely resulted in hysterical laughter. Hahaha.

If it was a "B" day, I am currently sitting in my English class discussing some Shakespearean play while also talking about our happy place and "the good ice." (some of you will get that reference)

Most importantly though, my mind is wondering if I will get accepted into the University of Texas (the only school I applied to... stupid move or genius, you decide) and if I will get enough scholarship money to afford to attend the school.

Making the Most of Facebook's New Privacy Features

I think we've all been in a situation on Facebook where we've learned to regret a comment posted to a broader group of so-called "friends." How do you even define the word "friend" now? Because I'm pretty sure Captain Sully may be awesome and listed as a friend on my Facebook list of friends, but I have never met him or spoken to him before :)

In a digital age where it is becoming increasingly more difficult to decipher between personal and professional personas, you're bound to have slip-ups, right? Oops, it turns out I don't use my company's product, or crap, if my mom sees this, I'm so getting a nasty phone call.

I know for several of my friends (my husband included), they flat out don't like the "intrusive" nature that digital components like Facebook and Twitter provide. I completely understand their issues, and to a large extent, agree with them. Unfortunately, in my line of work, I'm required to not only participate in these sites, but be active in them.

The trick is being active in the so-called "right" way.

Which is why I'm SO FREGGGIN excited about Facebook's new privacy settings. Some of you may have already gotten the screen asking if you wanted to keep your old settings or go to new settings.

Most of you probably stuck with your old settings -- why mess with what's working just fine for you, right? In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I get an invitation to join some lame group about wanting to bring back the old privacy settings. But people, change is good, and here is why:

I only have to show you what I want you to see. See the name of my blog, "Reconnaissance on Myself?" Yes, part of the point of my blog is the act of "writing" things out to better understand myself. The other element is only letting you see and know what I want you to see and know about me -- nothing more. With the new settings, I have the ability to only let certain people and/or groups see the content I want them to read. Let's say I had a super bad day at work. Someone stole my lunch, crapped in my cube as a practical joke and took my computer and smashed it to the ground in an evil revenge plot. If I don't know who did it -- but don't want to air dirty laundry about my crazy co-workers, I could literally send a post out on Facebook asking who the heck crapped in my cube. OR...

Maybe I'm pregnant (I'm not), but I only want the closest of friends to know. I can set up a list of those friends and send a status update to only them. Yes, phone calls are still the preferred method for sharing that news, but I'm just giving an example.

Still confused? Let me walk you through it:

Step 1. Find the "create a list" link. A little bit harder than you think, because sometimes Facebook can be an asshole. Yet I still love it and use it daily. I know, crazy. Anyways, you just click on "More" in that section on the far left of your "home" page and then click on "Create a New List." Here's some screen shots if you are still confused.

Step 2. Name the list and select the people you want in it. So this pop-up screen will appear, and you literally name your list and then start clicking on people's names to add them to it. My list is called "close friends and family" which only consists of about 20% of my total friend count on here. For those of you who find Facebook intrusive and don't like the idea of sharing all of your information with co-workers, your mother's second cousin or your best friend from band camp, I highly recommend making a list so you can still "be friends" with all of these people online, but you don't have to worry about them seeing anything that is meant for only a close group of people. Example -- college kids. If you post your crazy ass photos on Facebook -- or a friend does -- set the privacy settings to a more selective list so future (or current) employers don't see it. You'd be surprised how many people don't think of that.

Step 3. Posting crap. Obviously, I want everyone to know my husband is the best husband ever. So that little lock icon right next to the share button allows me to do that. But let's say I want some of my friends to know that yesterday he was a total turd. I'd hit that custom button before I did that and conveniently omit all of his family members from viewing it :) Not that I would ever do that... but now only a few people will know.

I think these privacy settings are a step in the right direction to getting the division of our professional and personal lives back. In the "always on" environment we live in, you never know who is reading what and misconstruing your words in a way you maybe never intended. So save yourself the awkward calls, comments and Aunt Jane (no, not you, Justin's Aunt Jane... just using "Jane as an example!) randomly coming up to you at Christmas to ask about a status update from six months ago and start organizing your online life. I promise you won't regret it.

The New Way to Bargain Shop

Boutiques? Too expensive and always full price.
The mall? Too crowded, picked over and half the time I leave disappointed.
Outlet mall? Fun, but only with friends and more than half the time I leave disappointed.
Solution? Online bargain shopping.

Holy crap, I've been in heaven the last week. With sites like RenttheRunway.com, Ruelala.com and Gilt, (the latter two also have iPhone apps for literal 24-7 shopping), I've been able to score some AMAZING bargains on classic designer staples for the cheap -- just in time for Christmas.

I encourage you to check them out. My favorite purchase so far has been a pair of Burberry rain boots that I've been searching for online and in the stores for what seems like years. I finally scored them at the price I wanted to pay. Yippee. They come next week :) I'm praying for rain.

And while I haven't used RenttheRunway.com yet, let me tell you that I am tempted to try it. I'm sick of spending money on dresses I only end up wearing once to events and weddings. For $50-200 (for the record, I'll only be renting the $50 ones), I get a dress that normally sells for $400-$2,000 (never spent that on a dress ever anyways, except my wedding gown), and you get to keep it for four days. If you want an invite for the site, I'll shoot it over to you. :)

Oh, Martha

I like to think that I'm fairly decent at direction-taking. I learned at a very young age to read directions all the way through first THEN get started with the task. (In fifth grade, we were given a direction-related project and the last item in the directions was, don't do any of the directions listed above and turn it back in. I think only two people "followed" the rule of directions. I was not one of them.)

Which is why I enjoy cooking. It's pretty hard to screw something up if you are following the directions in the cookbook to a tee. Though, I usually find a way to -- especially if I'm feeling "lucky" and try something new.

Last night I was watching a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving Special with Justin so we could figure out how to cook a turkey, should the need ever arise. And she made it look SO EASY. I was thinking about all of the horror stories I have heard in the past and thinking -- this has to be harder than Martha is letting on. I think the only one I would be able to walk away from doing in this special was the White Table Setting.

Which is why I stuck around for the next segment, called "Whatever, Martha." Two women (one who is her daughter) do a Mystery Science Theatre on Martha's ass and make fun of her while insulting her ability to make everything look easy. Because let's face it. It takes longer than 5 minutes to prep a turkey. Definitely check it out ;)

Driving Tip #35

Today's commute was weird. It started out fine: I got onto the highway, it was moving at a decent speed. Then I heard them. I looked in my rearview mirror and up the hill came two fire trucks, and ambulance and two cop cars, all in a row.

Motorists don't exactly know how to behave in this scenario. I'm sure that it was taught to us in Driver's Ed, but let's face it -- unless you are 16 and a newly minted driver, you don't remember. Some came to a complete stop in the middle of the roadway, casuing other cars to almost hit them. Others bailed out onto the grass and almost hit each other, some people didn't care and kept going, almost causing accidents themselves.

I was already in the far right hand lane, so I slowed to a crawl and tried to avoid getting hit myself and staring in horror at all the near misses I was witnessing.

And as the posse of emergency vehicles went by me, you sort of say a little prayer for whoever may be hurt on the road ahead. Because clearly, someone is seriously hurt and been in a car accident.

Or not. And with that, I bring you Driving Tip #35, especially for emergency personnel.

#35: When answering a call in rush hour traffic on a major highway, causing hundreds of people to veer off the roadway in an attempt at letting you pass, don't travel half a mile and then turn off your lights and give up trying to find the accident. You just screwed up the flow of traffic (and people's attempts to get to work on time) and pissed off a majority of the drivers. Instead, keep going with your lights on until the people you pissed off don't see you anymore, then turn off your lights. Yes, that would technically be lying, but everyone will still think you were going to save the day instead of possibly using your lights to get through bad traffic. Sincerely, a pissed-off motorist.

It's Called Duh, People

I don't know what it is about people thinking their invincible online -- from continual trash-talking on popular Web sites to posting ridiculous crap on their Facebook and MySpace pages -- it's really gotten out of hand.

It's like a friend of mine said who works in Human Resources -- social networking has made their job a lot easier.

For those of you who still have a big "?" hanging over your head on what the heck I'm even talking about, let me break it down for you. What you post online WILL come back to haunt you.

Don't believe me? Here is the evidence:
Annoymous bloggers: Friends, if you offend the wrong person, you'll have to come out. And it isn't that hard to find you. Exhibit One: "The Coming-Out Stories of Annoymous Bloggers" from CNN.
Murder & MySpace: I can't tell you how many stories I've read about people getting murdered, assulted or someone commits a high profile crime, and the first place media turns to -- tour social media accounts. Exhibit Two: Law.com's article on "MySpace Entry Admitted as Murder Evidence."
Losing Your Job: Remember the Domino's Pizza YouTube video? Ick. They totally lost their job and will most likely have a tough time finding a new one. Any employer that takes two-seconds to Google their name will quickly realize they don't need that liability. Exhibit Three: NYT article on the fall-out from the YouTube video.

Despite all of this "evidence", I still see friends continue to post ridiculous crap online. That picture of you with the pipe? Yeah, bad move. You getting super wasted with your friends in Las Vegas when you called in sick that day? Kiss that job goodbye. Looking for a job, but in your profile you state your hobbies as "procrastinator", "ultimate slacker" and "love to hit on the ladies while at work" - uh, good luck with that.

But it even goes past the obvious, right? There is a reason why the slogan on my own blog says "My Life, How I Want You To See It." The fact of the matter is, your online persona paints a picture of you that may or may not be true. But most of the time, people see it as the truth. So play it safe.

The overarching lesson of this blog: before you upload a picture of yourself looking like a total tool (or doing something borderline illegal), stop and think to yourself -- do I plan on looking for a job in the next year, is my boss also a "friend" on Facebook, will this come back to haunt me in ANY way?

And if you pause before answering, consider the answer "yes" and avoid it.

This is Jenni's PSA to you.

Driving Tip #34

Given today's foul weather, I think it is an important reminder to everyone that you should slow down and pay just a little extra attention to the roadways. And with that kind reminder, I give you driving tip number #34.

#34: Typically, the right side of the road is the first to puddle with excess water. So watch out for that water, or else you will hydroplane, look like a moron and possible pee your pants. Sincerely, the girl who didn't slow down and hydroplaned. (yes, that would be my idiocy providing today's tip)